Monday, May 25, 2009

The Road to Bristol Part Two: Word to Yo Memere

So this weekend, I met David's parents, brother, sister-in-law, and niece and nephew. Talk about shittin' bricks on the train ride to Bristol. I knew a few things about my man's fam:

1))His parents were from Northern Maine, which might as well be from a galaxy far far they speak French as a first language (but a dialect of French that sounds like Klingon), and they spoke English with a Vulcan accent;
2)David's Mom was an avid Scrabble player but eschewed Facebook because it was too personal;
3)David's Dad was a hard workin' factory man that was a bit rough around the edges
4)David and his brother, once upon a time, didn't get along the best but had smoothed things out;
5)David's sister-in-law was addicted to on-line sweepstakes and had won a flat screen TV recently;
6)His niece loved her big gay uncle and was a dancer;
7)His nephew loved his big gay uncle and was a ball player

All of those things proved to be true.

All of those things were the tip of the iceberg of these fantastic people.

and I arrived at the train station in Waterbury, where we were greeted by his parents. I am completely conversant in Parent, Old Parent, Grandparent, and Venerable Elder. His parents, especially his Mom, turned out to be WAY hipper than I had imagined. I was able to speak Parent most of the time with the occassional foray into Old Parent on certain occassions. At one point, I asked his Mother for a new garbage bag, as I had taken out the trash. She handed me a bag that smelled like a cross between crotch powder and Summer's Eve. Imagine my surprise when Nancy said that she hated the smell of the bags since they reminded her of the scent of feminine napkins.

I just about shat enough bricks to build them a new addition to their house.

I mentioned in a previous post, after dinner that evening, Don (aka Dad) turned red in the face and said how happy he was that I came to visit. I found out later that he told David that he liked me and that I was way better than the last one. Score one for Brandon...awwww yeah (please note...David was with the last one for a decade...I don't know if that says a lot about me or about the ex...probably both).

The first night, we went to watch David's niece Emily in a dance recital.That is where I met David's very straight brother who introduced himself by walking up to me in my seat and straight guy punching me in the arm. I seriously looked up like I was going to have to fight a white man in rural Connecticut. I was sure that this was it...the Good Lord had called my name, and I was going to punch this big man and get strung up on the stage. Luckily, he just laughed, I realized he must belong to David somehow, and I thanked the lord that no one would have to call my Mom and tell her that I had been the main dish at a good old fashioned lynching.

We also sat next to David's sister-in-laws two sisters, who, were frickin' hilarious. We got along so well that the sister-in-law's SISTER invited us over for a BBQ the next time we head to Connecticut. Sharon, the sister-in-law was a sweet but proper suburban Mom; her sisters were wasted on Bristol, CT.

dance recital was sooo...ummm...Drop Dead Gorgeous-esque that it will have its own blog...with pictures. Suffice it to say that shortly before the end of Act II (of four acts total) we buzzed out...after watching David's niece's dance troupe do a routine to Walk Like An Egyptian dressed in faux-Arabian I Dream of Jeannie gear. 'Nuff said...for now...

Saturday evening the family gathered, and we had a cook-out. I played frisbee with David, his brother, and nephew. I refrained from stealin' the spotlot from the 11 year old boy when he confidentally told his Grandparents that Einstein had invited the bi-focals (Benjamin Franklin invented them about 120 or so years before Einstein was a German Jew zygote in his Mader's uterus). I watched, happily, as the entire family beamed and smiled and heaped praise on the two youngest members of the Berube clan. In a word, it felt like home.

On Saturday, David, his Mom, and I went from a hike in Sessions Woods...where we saw all kinds of nature, including the Minnesota State Flower bloomin' as nice as you'd like right there in the middle of Connecticut. I think it was a sign from God.

I was also pleased to find out that when David popped over to visit his brother and his brother's family on Monday, I was missed (I was napping) and Emily made a point to tell David that I was cool.

In the end, I found a wonderful family, full of laughter and joy and love. It was a great gift to spend the weekend with them. I cooked dinner for the family on Sunday night, and I, in the words of Paula Dean, “Knocked their socks clean off and into the washing machine.”

It was a good weekend.

P.S. I did beat Nancy and David at back-to-back games of Scrabble. HOLLLA!


  1. All of the previous blog is, in the words of my own mother, "Open To Interpretation!!!". ;0)

  2. Your Mom only said that cuz I was winnin' at Scrabble. Oh snap!

  3. Job Interview...what job interview? Sounds good!

  4. Hey Noods! I got me a job! Yes I did. I start Monday.


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