Minnesota!

So I love Minnesota. I betcha could never guessed. My beloved homeland has been in the news quite a bit lately. From electing Al Franken to the Senate and giving the Democrats the 60 votes needed to overcome a filibuster (that is if Lieberman's dumbass doesn't go all Sarah Palin rogue) to once again being at the top of the healthy, livability, education, arts, and economic recover lists...the land of 10,000 lakes (actually 11,842 lakes) is pretty much the best state in these here United States.

I even found out recently at a party with a professor of linguistics that the Minnesota accent is the fastest spreading in the country and can now be heard as far south as Kansas and Missouri, east to Ohio and west to Nebraska. BOOOOOOOOOYA!

Sure the state is frozen over from mid-November to mid-April. And yeah I remember once it snowed on May 1st, and there was that one time that it snowed four feet over night on Halloween and I went trick or treating with a sled, but other than the time when the air temperature with windchill was -90 degrees and the Governor shut down all the schools in the state, Minnesota is awesome.

Minnesotans are also the toughest creatures on the planet.

I mean I just explained to you that other than Polar Bears and Penguins, no other living creatures roam about in -90 degree weather except Minnesotans. And not only do we roam about, we throw parades. There is a parade called the Holidazzle that runs every night from Dec. 1 until December 31 at exactly 6pm along Nicollet Mall in downtown Minneapolis. That is after nightfall ya'll. Almost every January we build a LIFE SIZE castle out of giant ice blocks and put on a festival we call the St. Paul Winter Carnival. Every year the city of St. Paul buries a golden medallion in the snow somewhere in the city and thousands of people search for weeks for the medallion...the lucky winner takes away $15,000. The longest dog sled race in the world outside of the Iditarod takes place in Northern Minnesota. Those cowboy boot wearing pansies in Texas ain't got nothing on Minnesota pride or Minnesota tough.

It also helps that we have several of the top public and private higher education institutions in the world in our little old state. My high school, Patrick Henry, in North Minneapolis has been named one of the top high schools in America by U.S. News and World Report every year for about a decade, and who else has the Mall of America...no one else that's who. Shoot.

Oh yeah, and we were the first state to include gender identity in our state's human rights act. DOUBLE BOOOOOOOOYA!

We've elected six independent governors in our state's history, and Minneapolis has 22 lakes within the city limits. Sure, we have a ridiculous shit stain asshole of a governor that would have sucked whiskey from George Bush Jr's tit if he thought it would get him into the White House, but, you know, we can't be PERFECT otherwise those nasal talkin' cheese eatin' Sconnies would want to move into Minnesota. I would have to hire some Minutemen to move to Minnesota and guard our Eastern Border. I welcome undocumented immigrants to Minnesota. It's Wisconsinites I can't stand.

Minnesota is the shit. You betta recognize!

Gov. Pawlenty is an Asshole

The MN race for U.S. Senate between Republican incumbent(and asshole) Norm Coleman and DFL challenger (and winner) Al Franken could have been written by George Lucas. It's a bad script, with an over the top villain, and hokey special effects (aka TV ads).

Let's be clear: Al Franken is the U.S. Senator from the Great State of Minnesota.

Norm Coleman is an opportunistic, party changing, flip flopping jackass loser that is clinging for dear life to the senate seat that once belonged to Sen. Wellstone and now has shit smeared all over it by the current office holder.

On November 4, 2009 the ballots were counted and Franken had won.

There was an official recount that included previously discarded or uncounted ballots and Franken won.

A three panel appeals court in Minnesota entertained a lawsuit by Coleman and, yesterday, they declared that Franken had won.

Here's a joke..."How many electoral and/or judicial bodies have to declare a person the winner before he's won?"

The answer? It doesn't matter as long as an arch-conservative asshole sits in the governor's mansion and is entertaining misbegotten ideas of being the 2012 Republican Presidential nominee: Tim Pawlenty.

Tim Pawlenty inherited a fiscally healthy state and drove it into the ground. Thank God the DFL took over both houses of the state legislature and have been able to keep most of his moronic initiatives in check. But, in this instance, a winner in a statewide race can not be declared unless the election is certified by the governor. The governor (a Republican) is ignoring the fact that after two ballot counts and a judicial order and by all indicators Al Franken is the winner. Pawlenty has declared he will not certify any election results until all appeals run their course.

Coleman is now preparing an appeal to the MN Supreme Court. It is my GREATEST and most fervent hope that Justice Alan Paige gets the appeal, rolls it up, and smacks Norm Coleman in the face with it and says, "Bad ex-Senator. Sit." and then tears the damn thing down the middle and says politely, "We decline to hear this bullshit appeal. Go back to St. Paul and fade quietly from view. Or it's the sausage factory for you."

I love Minnesota. It is the greatest state in this country (even accounting for subzero temperatures for a quarter of the year). But, lord have mercy, Norm (WHO IS NOT A MINNESOTA NATIVE!) is an embarassment. Most of us learn in kindergarten to play nicely and to not be sore losers. Obviously he skipped that day. Unfortunately, it is Minnesota that suffers and is looking at an additional two months without a second U.S. Senator. Norm could give a shit about the voters of the state. But who needs a constiuency when you've got an ego the size of Lake Superior.