Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Sarah Palin Goes to China and Gets Dumber

Lord have mercy somebody PLEASE take away Sarah Palin's passport. The snow heifer will not miss it considering she didn't even have one until 2007. Let her continue to stare at some barren Russian islands out of her foyer window and create soccer Mom foreign policy while fingering wild Alaskan salmon.

Good grief.

So, Sarah Palin aka The Woman That Made Tina Fey A Saint, was in Hong Kong giving a speech to a group of investors and bankers. Hello? Has anyone checked out the economy in Alaska. It's in the shitters. That would be like CapitalOne paying me to give credit card advice to shopaholics. The only outcome would be that I would make a fool out of myself and the people in the audience would have instant garnishments levied against them.

I mean, come on. There has to be some sort of law on the books that says the Village Idiot is not allowed to leave the country unsupervised! I am going to write my legislators and ask them to install one of those microchips that they implant in domestic pets. It is in the best interest of U.S. National Security that we know where Sarah Palin is at all times.

Right next to the red phone and the "button" in the White House, Obama should have a remote control that allows him to activate the microchip in Palin's neck and taser her via satellite any place on planet Earth. If they put THAT into the Patriot Act, I would vote for it myself. Habeas Corpus be damned!

I mean, there are laws against severely mentally ill people making decisions for themselves. And if Palin believes that she has a snow balls chance in Paris Hilton's pussy of being President of the United States, then that is evidence enough for any court in the land to judge her mentally unfit to make her own decisions. She should be put under house arrest in a gulag in Siberia and made to watch her interview with Katie Couric on repeat until she expires from an overdose of her own stupidity.

And since she couldn't convince the majority of Americans that Obama is to blame for the collapse of Wall Street and the financial crisis, she thought she would try and convince the Chinese. Of course, they can't vote, and the Chinese basically invented the calendar, and since Lehmann Brothers collapsed in September 2008 and Obama took office in January 2009, it doesn't take a whiz on an abacus to determine that the meltdown happened during the Bush administration.

Forget a Spin Doctor, she needs a brain surgeon. Lobotomies all around!

The best thing that Sarah Palin ever did was let her daughter get knocked up my Levi Johnston. The kid is dumb as shit and about half a swastika away from being a member of the Michigan Militia, but he is hot as fuck and his shirtless pictures almost make up for his almost-mother-in-laws political career and complete embarrassment of the United States on the world stage.

You know you are basically a rat bastard when Kim Jong Il is more likely to get elected to the White House than you are. Mrs. Palin, have you thought about a career as a North Korean Dictator?

In the end, I look forward to more public appearances by Sarah Palin. And I pray to God Almighty that she runs for the presidency in 2012 just for Saturday Night Live bonanza that will entail.

God Bless Tina Fey.


  1. a) LOL

    b) You give the American public too little credit... all it takes for Sarah Palin to win in 2012 is a narrow plurality in a three way race between her, Obama 2012, and some random populist candidate to be named later whose campaign is propelled by widespread disillusionment with Obama.

    If anyone has a doubt as to how realistic this scenario is, I should point out it will be the 100th anniversary of Teddy Rooseveldt having precipitated Woodrow Wilson's election in 1912 by doing exactly that. Given that 40% of the country's voting population is, clinically speaking, batshit insane, this a far more realistic possibility than I'd like to admit.

  2. Well, I think I've already made it very clear that I think Sarah Palin is awesome.

  3. Thomas Leavitt you hush your mouth right now.

    Gracie: The words douche nozzle comes to mind.

  4. Brother- Obama would wear out his finger pushing that "button" to tazer that heifer. He would have to hire someone exclusively for just that job. I'm available. That hussy wouldn't even get the chance to turn over in bed. Bzzz! Did she just yawn? Bzz! Is she snoring? Bzz! Singing in the shower? Bzz! Oh honey! I'm getting carpal tunnel.
    Love ya B-
    James Means


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