Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Fuck Sarah Palin!

Sarah Palin can suck my dick.

Actually, she can’t. The Vampire Witch of the Utter North would most likely drain the blood out of it and all my ancestors to boot.

I saw her on TV this evening, and she had the giant cojones to actually say that she is disappointed in Barack Obama and how “little” he has accomplished in “so many” months in office. I’ve made a list of items that I would like her to take away from this blog post should it happen to get accidentally mailed directly to her house.

1) Bitch please! Bush had eight years to fuck up the U.S. and most of the world along with it, and Obama is supposed to right all those wrongs plus the historic wrongs in the U.S. in six months? Come down out of the tundra, the cold weather has obviously frozen what’s left of your brain.

2) You’ve presided over a massive downturn in Alaska’s economy and pretty much were the Seal of Doom over the candidacy of John McCain. One would think that much evil would satisfy Satan’s Mother…but I tip my hat to you Mrs. Lucifer…your son has nothing on you.

3) In case you haven’t noticed…the only reason you are famous is that the entire world was laughing at you…including Tina Fey.

4) Your TEENAGE daughter was getting porked by a hot ass stud in your own house, and she obviously inherited your idiocy as she forgot to use a condom. Why are you still speaking in public? You should be hiding in shame somewhere.

5) WE ALL BELIEVE BRISTOL’S BOYFRIEND (Levi Johnston).

Sarah Palin irks the living hell out of me. I mean, she is the first candidate to get her ass handed to her in a massive landslide victory and somehow miss the fact that she lost. She comes from an inconsequential state (if it weren’t for its natural resources and proximity to Asia, the U.S. would probably have let the Inuit keep it or sold it to back to the Russians for a bottle of vodka and a lap dance). The woman failed out of about half a dozen colleges before someone took pity on her and gave her a diploma for making an effort. But, right here in America, it goes to show you that if you have a great set of tits and are white, you can shoot for the stars or keep shooting off your mouth way after it’s been categorically proven that there are slime molds with higher IQ’s than you.

I take back that comment about the tits. I know many brilliant white women with amazing breasts that are monkey stomped into the ground by sexism. This just goes to prove my point that Sarah Palin has made blood sacrifices to the Infernal Powers in order to get ahead. She probably has to peel off her face at night and bathe in the blood of bunnies and lambs to maintain her Hell powers.

In conclusion, I would like to say….Sarah Palin can suck it.

So can Bristol’s ex-boyfriend. Literally. WOOT WOOT!

3 comments:

  1. Jeeez, Brandon, I hate it when you hold back like this...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jimmy: I know...I am so passive agressive.
    Thomas: Oh I would spank him and do thangs to him that would make Sarah Palin moist.

    ReplyDelete

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