Sunday, January 4, 2009

No More David in the City...

Leaving David is about as pleasurable as having my nuts stepped on by the Wicked Witch in steel toed stiletto heels. I was crying before I left the door, and then, like an idiot buzzed the buzzer and ran up the stairs---pretending to need to pee—so I could see him again for a moment. Of course, by ringing the buzzer at 4am, I sent Tildon (my step-dog) into a tizzy, and forced David to open his eyes for the first time since we were forced from the bed this morning by Super Shuttle—which required a 3:45am pick up time for my 7am flight. Ain’t that a bitch.

Poor David. This morning he was attempting to give me some wise 44 year old inspirational talk about being good to myself mentally and physically, loving myself, etc. etc. blah blah blah. Everything he had to say was lovely. Except, at that particular moment, I wanted to punch him in the teeth just a little bit. At that moment, I just wanted to hear that he was going to be possibly a fraction as miserable as I am projecting to be the first month of the first quarter until I see him again. I am no GoldmanSachs analyst, but the emotional forecast for the next few days, due to a temporary separation of assets, is looking poor. The long-term dividends will pay off warmly, but the short-term losses are tough to bear. And Mr. Berube’s public statement that I should find a hot fuck buddy and get some good boom boom almost caused a hostile take over this morning. I mean. Of course I will find a hot fuck buddy should I desire it. But, my true love needs to work on his timing. No stand up comedian is he.

Now, I am in the Super Shuttle. Some stupid Asian couple behind me apparently doesn’t understand that at 4:26am no one wants to hear them chatter with one another. As a matter of fact, they both may earn a punch to the teeth before we get to La Guardia. I have already radioed ahead to Makeeba, one of my darling roommates, to have the $2 buck chuck ready. After only three hours of sleep, my eyes are on fire. And the Asians just keep flipping their lips. They are about to get a free round trip ticket on Foot-In-The-Ass Airlines.

I love you David. But you know that. I will be fine and dandy tomorrow. But today, I get to be a little bit on the miserable side having to leave my partner 3000 miles behind. You’re teeth are safe for now ;-). See you in Denver. I love you more than egg noodles and roasted duck from Mee Noodle Shop. You are my home.


  1. I know my teeth are ugly as all hell, but they are mine, well, most of them are, so please, no bashing of my teeth. Besides, I prefer to have cooked white rice thrown at me instead. :0)

  2. I got a whole pot of white rice just waiting for you in Denver. Teeheee.

  3. Weird, 44 y.o. wisdom from a 40 year old, hmmm clearly your calculator is on the fritz again. lol

  4. Ummmm clearly you are getting senile....1964 to 1998 (now 1999) is 44/45.


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