Friday, January 2, 2009

Friday, Saturday, Cryday

So, I have been doing my damndest to not thing about Sunday morning. RIght now I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed trying to articulate how I feel when I am physically with David. David is a constant presence in my life whether or not we are manifestly with one another. But, when we are together something begins sounding inside me. Have you ever had the joy of being in a small town, early in the morning, when an old church bell rings. The sound is so beautiful. You know it is metal being hammered, but it sounds like a crystal humming. something pure, clean, and joyous. David and I have our problems. We fight now and again as do any couple....many of our interactions are multiplied and intensified because we don't live in close proximity so we end up processing at a hyper speed when we are. But the essentialness of our relationship remains undiminished and, indeed, strengthens and reinforces the basic goodness in each of us, so that, when we are not together, I do not feel less or incomplete but I feel a reduced potential. Together, our potential to be better, live better, love better, move through the world better is exponentially increased. When David is nearby, I am fearless about things that have long scared the hell out of me.

I have made a commitment to being as present in the moment as possible. Sunday is not right now. Sunday may never actually come. I was reading something on that said if a Planet-ending meteor were to hit the earth we wouldn't know about its presence, unless we were very lucky, until moments before it hit and ended life on Earth. My luck would be that the meteor would hit while I was 30,000 feet above the Earth. While everyone else would die without pain instantly, my ass would have the torture of flying too and fro until the plane ran out of gas and then we would crash and die cussing out God. I digress. I still have roughly 48 hours with David. I am going to see tons of great friends tonight. I am going to get to see David in his extra cute short shorts that he wears to the gym. I will most likely have some great sex between now and Sunday (maybe even with David...I joke...I joke...teeeheee), but the fact remains that leaving him is becoming something akin to proving the existence of God. I believe it can be done, but one day, I will acknowledge, that it can't...and on that home will be wherever life carries both of us.


  1. I love reading your blog especially when you pour out your soul like you have in this post...

  2. I appreciate you reading. If I don't let it out, it gets real ugly.


Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and insights. And thank you for reading!