We Are Not Forgotten

I was just quite literally moved to tears after listening to Kenyon Farrow and the Bishop Yvette Flunder at a plenary here at Creating Change 2009. The plenary was focused on HIV/AIDS. Both Kenyon and Bishop Flunder were tremendous speakers that had powerful words to share. I am going to write a full blog about what they said and how they moved me. But, right now, I am overwhelmed. But I will leave you with this: when speaking of black folks and the queer movement Bishop Flunder demanded:

"It took a long time to get from Martin to Barack. We will NOT leave anyone behind. We will take all the time we need. We will shout on it. We will pray on it. We will sing on it. Amen."

25 Random Things About Me

Here is a wee little about me that I posted in response to lists that other friend's posted on Facebook.

1. I saw a ghost for the first time ever.
2. The ghost stole my cell phone charger and hid it in the hall closet.
3. I was going to talk smack about the ghost, but I am afraid the ghost will steal my cell phone next.
4. My black family can trace their ancestry back almost 300 years. They kept good records on niggas in Southern West Virginia back in the day.
5. I am going to see my little brother Julius, next week, for the first time in 15 years.
6. I love my family.
7. I am building my own family for the first time and it is terrifying---for some reason loneliness is more comfortable than allowing myself to be loved fully.
8. I am truly in love for the first time, and I understand now that the movies are full of shit. Love is real work and worth all the effort.
9. I have come to understand that only when you are truly loved for all your goods and ills can you really then begin to exorcise your belief that you are unworthy of being loved.
10. I believe in God.
11. I believe that God has a plan.
12. I believe the plan is focused on my good.
13. I want to find the plan, roll it up, and hit God in the face with it.
14. I used to trust easily and blindly. I have come to discover that trusting for me as an act that I am, in some ways, not yet fully capable of doing---no matter how deserving the person is that should be trusted.
15. I believe in magic.
16. I can't save money to save my life. I misspend, overspend, and still eat ramen on occasion because of it.
17. I spend a lot of time being afraid and pretending that I am not.
18. For the first time ever I actually fantasize about the person that I call my boyfriend.
19. I believe that my brothers and sisters are some of the most beautiful and amazing individuals I have ever met.
20. I think anal sex should be an Olympic Sport.
21. I have dreams so powerful that I often believe that they are the thoughts of other people that sneak into my head and run around while I am sleeping. The Borg is out there.
22. I love my lips and I hate my back fat.
23. I struggle being in an open relationship, but I could never be honest and be in a closed one.
24. I am a kick ass cook.
25. I believe that I have been given the chance at a powerful life, in partnership with a beautiful man, in fellowship with tremendous friends, and with the support of an amazing family.

The World We Create

Moving through the world these days is a little bit like walking on a tight rope suspended above a caldera filled with a molten lake of lava and Hurricane Katrina coming straight at you. The world let out a joyous yell when Obama took the oath of office. Indeed, I was crying openly and unashamedly. The last week has been filled with glitz, glamour, confirmations, appointments, balls, interviews, First Family photos, and Americans finally proud to claim their citizenship—many of us for the first time.

Yet, today, Sprint cut 8,000 jobs. Home Depot cut 7,000 jobs. Caterpillar cut 20,000 jobs. A report was issued today saying that much of the damage done to the climate is irreversible (at least until the year 3000). We are still fighting two wars on two fronts. There is an uneasy cease fire in Gaza—perhaps only long enough for the Palestinians to bury their dead and their murdered. Unemployment is skyrocketing. Homeland U.S.A., a fucked up reality series about border enforcement, is actually going to hit the airwaves, and it will be another four months before I am happily living with my boyfriend. The world is fucked up right now.

The emotional, physical, psychic, and spiritual pressures on the world and the people living in the world are palpable. People everywhere seem to be scrambling as quickly as they can towards whatever short term end they see for themselves with no eye towards the future or care for those around them. Some individuals—from Blagojevich to local managers seem incapable of saying…I fucked up…sorry...and instead are doing whatever they can to protect their ego, and, sadly, they will soon find that it is only their ego that they have left. The world is poised at the edge of something beautiful or something terrible and at this particular moment in history it is a complete crapshoot. It could go either way, and it seems like crazy people are the ones tossing the dice.

Whew.

I have, lately, subjected myself to the crazy winds of the world that are threatened to blow us off our tightrope. The reality is that living in the world as it is requires acknowledging some of the world’s momentary realities. At the same time, I would be a shortsighted fool to not see that if I can abjure the winds and call rains on the lava lake that I will easily walk to the other side. In my own life I am blessed. I have a wonderful partner, I have a book being released this fall. I am working on a new play with the man I love. I am going to see my little brother and close friends in just over a week. I am going to see other close friends this coming weekend. The WORLD is fucked up but the many worlds in which we live and move and breathe and sing and dance and create and love and make love are actually still there, still intact, and full of the energy, peace, truth, and strength we need to make it through what seems like the approach of the Four Horsemen.

I challenge myself to deny the zeitgeist and to embrace the healing spirit that Obama represents (in some limited measure) and to fully embrace the healing spirit that my community embraces. This does not mean that there will not be personal or community struggle. This does not mean the path will be easy. It is my firm belief that peace is a process and not a destination. If you believe that once you reach peace that it is yours forever then you are not doing the work to maintain it. I welcome others to join me in creating love circles and peace dreams. I welcome you to stand with me in projecting into reality a new way of being that holds those accountable that need to be held accountable without sacrificing the peace and love and joy that is yours to have without question and with the responsibility of sharing those gifts with those around you: friend or stranger.

Right. Rev. Bishop Robinson's Invocation

Hey folks I received this as an email and decided to repost it here


As many of you know, the Right Rev. Gene Robinson, the openly Gay Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire , gave the opening prayer at yesterday's Lincoln Memorial event. It was the first event in the inaugural festivities this year. HBO, which had paid for exclusive rights to the event chose not to broadcast Bishop Robinson's prayer. So if you watched there you wouldn't have caught it or even known that it occurred. NPR didn't air it either. There's no record of it in images placed on the sites of Getty Images, New York Times and the Washington Post.

It's a complete erasure of his ever having delivered the prayer.

Such is the continuing policy of silence and erasure we have to live with from people who should know better. We are used to this. If you know your queer history this has happened again and again. In fact this little list-serve is really about recovering the truth in our history and celebrating it.

So we're going to celebrate it by providing here the full text of Bishop Robinson's prayer. I suggest you forward this around so that everyone has a chance to enjoy it.

------------ --------- --------

Opening Inaugural Event

Lincoln Memorial, Washington , DC

January 18, 2009

Delivered by the Right Reverend V. Gene Robinson:

"Welcome to Washington ! The fun is about to begin, but first, please join me in pausing for a moment, to ask God's blessing upon our nation and our next president.

O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will…

Bless us with tears – for a world in which over a billion people exist on less than a dollar a day, where young women from many lands are beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.

Bless us with anger – at discrimination, at home and abroad, against refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

Bless us with discomfort – at the easy, simplistic "answers" we've preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise to the challenges of the future.

Bless us with patience – and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be "fixed" anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.

Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must always be balanced with those of the world.

Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance – replacing it with a genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.

Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every religion's God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in the human community, whether across town or across the world.

And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack, as he assumes the office of President of the United States .

Give him wisdom beyond his years, and inspire him with Lincoln 's reconciling leadership style, President Kennedy's ability to enlist our best efforts, and Dr. King's dream of a nation for ALL the people.

Give him a quiet heart, for our Ship of State needs a steady, calm captain in these times.

Give him stirring words, for we will need to be inspired and motivated to make the personal and common sacrifices necessary to facing the challenges ahead.

Make him color-blind, reminding him of his own words that under his leadership, there will be neither red nor blue states, but the United States .

Help him remember his own oppression as a minority, drawing on that experience of discrimination, that he might seek to change the lives of those who are still its victims.

Give him the strength to find family time and privacy, and help him remember that even though he is president, a father only gets one shot at his daughters' childhoods.

And please, God, keep him safe. We know we ask too much of our presidents, and we're asking FAR too much of this one. We know the risk he and his wife are taking for all of us, and we implore you, O good and great God, to keep him safe. Hold him in the palm of your hand – that he might do the work we have called him to do, that he might find joy in this impossible calling, and that in the end, he might lead us as a nation to a place of integrity, prosperity and peace.

AMEN."

Obama-Nation!

This morning, I sat surrounded by new friends--movement workers that are committed to creating powerful change in this world...and I had the privilege of being with those people as the 44th President of the United States was sworn into office. It is an understatement to say that I was caught up in the moment. Hope has a new face. May be strength and grace of God and the wisdom of the righteous be with Barack Hussein Obama as he moves us forward. You are the dream and the hope of the slave of which Maya so eloquently spoke. You are the fantasy of the Civil Rights movement. We are not yet free, but you mark a move towards freedom...even though you remained tethered to a capitalistic yoke. Let us lift you up as you work to lift us up. I am proud, this day, to be an American.

David Berube

I love you. I fell in love with you again today.

One Liner of the Week Award

So, this evening, my roommates and I were pouring some pop and getting ready to get back to watching David Bowie in the Labyrinth when we started talking about Makeeba, our roommate that just happens to be off snowboarding this weekend. One of my roommates mentioned that when Makeeba sings to her she gets scared. I said,

"Your inner child gets scared?"

My roommate replies,

"When Makeeba sings, my inner child gets aborted."

I almost died of wrongness. But good lord it was hilarious and it earned the One Liner of the Week Award.

Four Women: A New Poem

This poem is the second poem I have written while David and I have been at a museum. Each time we travel, we take trips to local museums. So far, we have taken in the Walker Art Museum, the Met, the Ft. Lauderdale Museum of Art, and the Walter Museum. Our next poetry book joint project will be us traveling to different museums around the world. David will create art inspired by the collections, and I will craft poetry from the experiences. I can't wait. We will be heading to Bali, Shanghai, and Bangkok this summer to kick it off.

This poem was inspired by three statues and a painting by Carlos Luna at the Ft. Lauderdale Museum.

Four Women

She sits in cherry wood
iron back telling wide hipped stories
of constant longings
each desire guided by the tilt of her head
the specific degrees of her sadness
caught in red grains
hand smoothed by a masterful artist

and this one bare chested dreaming
of flights over the sun
art deco fantasy
she bronzely smiles
tasting freedoms outside the turn of the century
striding above the restrictions of a cast iron world, she
steps lightly into a starry night

and she
she heaves illusions into incredulous faces
cross armed
she is a dancer at rest
she is elegance
her tango not for sale
downstairs she frowns
glassed away from the moon

and what brilliance this Cuban moon
shining in colores caribeños
fighting cocks and guajira breasts
amidst festivals of the dead
she lays blue haired on the backs of crocodiles
horizontal goddess of the exiled
hands tracing lines in water
writing stories with azure endings

-Brandon Lacy Campos
-January 16, 2009
-Oakland, CA

Working At It: A New Poem

I try
to be the man you need me to be
to be the lover you need me to be
to be the partner you need me to be
to be the friend you need me to be
to be the me you see in me

I try
to fight back
to beat down
to drown out
to push through
to let go
to rise above

I try
to honor you
to cherish you
to support you
to believe in you
to comfort you
to value you
to respect you

I try
but sometimes I fail
sometimes the night is darker than I believed
sometimes my head and heart don't agree
sometimes trying to make us better I make things worse
sometimes I am at a loss for words
but I try.

I try.

Falling in Love Has Summoned Up a Whole Host of Demons

My new article is up at BlackPower.com. This is the second part of my article: Living with HIV, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Style.

Check it out, and if you like it, make a comment!

http://www.blackpower.com/lifestyle/falling-in-love-has-summoned-up-a-whole-new-host-of-demons/

People of Color Weather Forecast

This morning, my co-worker and I are up hella early at our retreat condos in Guernville, CA right on the Russian River. I got a Tweet this morning from my girl Amalia back home saying it is -20 degrees air temperature in Minnesota right now. Now, I don't think most folks that are not either from Antartica or Minnesota really understand what it means when the air is that cold. Add to that the windchill and the air temperature, currently, feels to be -33 degrees.

Carlo and I were talking about what a People of Color weather broadcast would sound like, here is the transcript...

"Listen here ya'll. It is -20 degrees outside today. If your ass is not pearly white. I mean nigh on albino. Keep your simple ass in the house. You ain't biologically designed for this shit. Go on outside if you have too, but know that the wind is waiting on your ass and is going to snatch off your skin down to the meaty bones. White folks, by all means, go outside and make you some snow angels, build you an ice fortress, cut a hole in the lake and go skinny dipping and shit. If you are Italian, Spanish, or Greek, please get you a piece of unlined printer paper...if you are darker than that, please refer to the instructions above. Thank you."

Mother Africa

I have been having an exchange on Facebook with a young queer man from Kenya. Today, I posted on my Facebook status that I know magic exists in the world. This young Kenyan wrote and said that he knows magic exists at least in Africa.

I responded that indeed it does and that when we, the lost children, were taken from our Mother's shore, when we were forced into terror and darkness, when we laid side by side in filth and fear, we carried her, our great Mother with us. When we walked again into the light, when that first nameless black person touched foot on this side of the Atlantic ocean, all of the power, the spirits, the magic, the Gods, and the ancestors of our African peoples emerged with us. Into this land, onto this land, with our blood and our labor and our great burden and tragedy we brought all of our powerful and magnificent history. We brought Songhai and the Lower Kingdom. We brought the great Arab empires of the North. We brought with us a legacy of science, math, philosophy, and literature. We brought with us a power and magic so powerful that Southern whites trembled at the thought of the Obeah woman. They sought out the cures of the Voodouin. They turned to us as healers, teachers, nurses. Even as they tried to beat the spirit out of us, strip our history from us, pull out our native tongues, and steal our drums they could not escape the power that is naturally and by birthright ours.

Our people have and continue to struggle. We are not perfect. There is no master race. But it is undeniable that this world, which once revered us, then reviled us, has been undeniable and markedly impacted by us in a way that no other people have ever done. OUr music, our language, our culture, our history, our ways of being and our ways of fighting can be found on every inhabited continent on this planet. From Asia to South America, liberation struggles base their fights on the fights fought by us. The modes of expression, particularly hip-hop, have taken this planet by storm...Aboriginal youth, Japanese teens, Dutch b-boys all draw on and embrace those things which we brought into this world.

African genocide is the ultimate Caine and Able sin. It is the original curse. It is kin slaying. We are one family. Our Mother is Africa. She watches her children no matter where the are in the world. A Mother never abandons her child.

The Nastiest Thing I Heard Today...

Makeeba, my crazy ass roommate, and I were watching Sex In the City. Steve lifts up his shirt revealing a rock hard abdomen marred only by an outie belly button. I expressed my discomfort with the outties. Makeeba says,

"I would suck on that little nob like an extra penis."

V-O-M-I-T-A-R.

One Liner of the Week Award

Oh my God. I just laughed so hard I farted. And the fart is as funky as this shit is funny. I was reading a comment on BlackPower.com where a woman named Bdsista says,

"Why doesn’t someone give Ann Coulter a beat down? I mean like invite her to a function and tear her ass up in the ladies room in the club?"

Thank you Bdsista. I don't advocate for violence against women, but if the womenfolk get together and take it to the ladies room...well...what happens in the ladies room ain't none of my bidness.

Once Upon A Time...

There was a little gay named Brandon. He fell in love. He realized that he was, in fact, loved in return. He accepted life on life's terms. And he lived happily ever after.

"What A Fucking Day"

The title of today's blog is a direct quote from my partner David. Thank you David.

The last couple of days have been interesting. I transitioned back into life in Oakland. It was great seeing my roommates again. I really do have an awesome house filled with fierce radical women of color. Not to mention that my physical house is ridiculously beautiful. Last night we had an impromptu potluck. I made homemade chicken soup. Makeeba made baked stuffed eggplant, and Lubia conjured up a fantastic shrimp and rice dish with sweet bell peppers.

Today we had a staff meeting, and basically, by the end, I wanted to log onto Idealist and start looking for a new job. David and I had to deal with some Ex-Factors last night which was, you know, fun. Basically, by the time I got home tonight, I put on my leftover soup, cracked a bottle of Two Buck Chuck, and started writing this blog. Hey Glory.

The universe and life is meant to be easy. That does not mean that there will not be bumps, bruises, and mishaps along the way, but in general, if you are in the place you are supposed to be and doing the things you are supposed to be doing then life tends to work out the way it is supposed to work out. Right now, my life feels very schizophrenic. The good times generally happen when I am far far from home. Which means, perhaps, that home is someplace else. On an upbeat note, I finally mailed my pre-manuscript to my editor in Florida at Summerfolk Press. It took almost a year, but it is in the mail.

Did I mention we had an earthquake yesterday too?

Life will go on. I will go on. And most likely, before not too long, I will move on to the life that I am understanding now that I am supposed to be living.

No More David in the City...

Leaving David is about as pleasurable as having my nuts stepped on by the Wicked Witch in steel toed stiletto heels. I was crying before I left the door, and then, like an idiot buzzed the buzzer and ran up the stairs---pretending to need to pee—so I could see him again for a moment. Of course, by ringing the buzzer at 4am, I sent Tildon (my step-dog) into a tizzy, and forced David to open his eyes for the first time since we were forced from the bed this morning by Super Shuttle—which required a 3:45am pick up time for my 7am flight. Ain’t that a bitch.

Poor David. This morning he was attempting to give me some wise 44 year old inspirational talk about being good to myself mentally and physically, loving myself, etc. etc. blah blah blah. Everything he had to say was lovely. Except, at that particular moment, I wanted to punch him in the teeth just a little bit. At that moment, I just wanted to hear that he was going to be possibly a fraction as miserable as I am projecting to be the first month of the first quarter until I see him again. I am no GoldmanSachs analyst, but the emotional forecast for the next few days, due to a temporary separation of assets, is looking poor. The long-term dividends will pay off warmly, but the short-term losses are tough to bear. And Mr. Berube’s public statement that I should find a hot fuck buddy and get some good boom boom almost caused a hostile take over this morning. I mean. Of course I will find a hot fuck buddy should I desire it. But, my true love needs to work on his timing. No stand up comedian is he.

Now, I am in the Super Shuttle. Some stupid Asian couple behind me apparently doesn’t understand that at 4:26am no one wants to hear them chatter with one another. As a matter of fact, they both may earn a punch to the teeth before we get to La Guardia. I have already radioed ahead to Makeeba, one of my darling roommates, to have the $2 buck chuck ready. After only three hours of sleep, my eyes are on fire. And the Asians just keep flipping their lips. They are about to get a free round trip ticket on Foot-In-The-Ass Airlines.

I love you David. But you know that. I will be fine and dandy tomorrow. But today, I get to be a little bit on the miserable side having to leave my partner 3000 miles behind. You’re teeth are safe for now ;-). See you in Denver. I love you more than egg noodles and roasted duck from Mee Noodle Shop. You are my home.

Friday, Saturday, Cryday

So, I have been doing my damndest to not thing about Sunday morning. RIght now I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed trying to articulate how I feel when I am physically with David. David is a constant presence in my life whether or not we are manifestly with one another. But, when we are together something begins sounding inside me. Have you ever had the joy of being in a small town, early in the morning, when an old church bell rings. The sound is so beautiful. You know it is metal being hammered, but it sounds like a crystal humming. something pure, clean, and joyous. David and I have our problems. We fight now and again as do any couple....many of our interactions are multiplied and intensified because we don't live in close proximity so we end up processing at a hyper speed when we are. But the essentialness of our relationship remains undiminished and, indeed, strengthens and reinforces the basic goodness in each of us, so that, when we are not together, I do not feel less or incomplete but I feel a reduced potential. Together, our potential to be better, live better, love better, move through the world better is exponentially increased. When David is nearby, I am fearless about things that have long scared the hell out of me.

I have made a commitment to being as present in the moment as possible. Sunday is not right now. Sunday may never actually come. I was reading something on Science.com that said if a Planet-ending meteor were to hit the earth we wouldn't know about its presence, unless we were very lucky, until moments before it hit and ended life on Earth. My luck would be that the meteor would hit while I was 30,000 feet above the Earth. While everyone else would die without pain instantly, my ass would have the torture of flying too and fro until the plane ran out of gas and then we would crash and die cussing out God. I digress. I still have roughly 48 hours with David. I am going to see tons of great friends tonight. I am going to get to see David in his extra cute short shorts that he wears to the gym. I will most likely have some great sex between now and Sunday (maybe even with David...I joke...I joke...teeeheee), but the fact remains that leaving him is becoming something akin to proving the existence of God. I believe it can be done, but one day, I will acknowledge, that it can't...and on that day...my home will be wherever life carries both of us.

Thank You!

Thank you to the almost 3,000 people that visited my blog from March 2008-December 2008. Keep reading and Happy New Year to you!