A Love Letter to Minnesota

Dear Minnesota:

You have been going through it lately, haven't you? You, my beloved homeland, have been having a Hell of a few months (after eight years of being abused by your former governor, that asshole, Tim "Satan's Bitch" Pawlenty). I thought maybe when my old boss, Mark Dayton, was elected governor, perhaps you would get some TLC, maybe a little therapy, and perhaps, with Betty Tisel's community sings bringing people together, some good old fashioned healing time.

But a peculiar thing happened on the way to the polls. There was a mass outbreak of schizoid behavior in Minnesota (I blame solar flares and rampant Tea Bagging), and even though Emmer had his ass handed to him and Dayton was handed the keys to the governor's mansion, the same folks across the state, for the first time in modern memory, gave majorities to the Republicans in both houses of Minnesota's state legislature.

(I am still not convinced that this irregular behavior wasn't the direct result of a massive bad batch of lutefisk served up to the good Lutherans just before Election Day. In fact, I suspect GOP foul play and will be asking the FDA to formally investigate).

And true to form, once the GOP took over in the state capitol, despite a massive budget crisis in Minnesota, disregarding ridiculous unemployment, and turning their back on a Minnesota tradition of justice (imagine what this country would be like if Hubert Humphrey had never been born), the GOP have decided that their top priority is to spend all their energy and resources getting an amendment proposal on the 2012 ballot to ban same gender marriage in Minnesota.

Pardon my French, L'Etoile du Nord, but WHAT THE FUCK?

Ignoring a poll a couple of weeks ago stating that a strong majority of Minnesotans favor gay marriage and oppose the amendment, despite allowing a hatemonger minister INVITED by the GOP to give the opening prayer at the state capitol, despite Prop 8 being smacked down, despite the 14th amendment and Artcile 4 section 1 of the U.S. Constitution, despite the Navy, for a brief moment--though it has since been rescinded, ordering its chaplains to perform gay marriages in states where it is legal, despite ALL THE REAL WORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, your wayward and fucked up children have decided that fighting the love of two individuals and their fundamental right to enoy the privileges of marriage (don't take my word for it....read the 1967 Loving v. Virginia UNANIMOUS Supreme Court opinion establishing marriage as a fundamental right that can not be abridged based on an arbitrary classification such as race) takes priority over the economic and general well being of the people of Minnesota.

And now, social justice organizations that should be spending their sparse resources on truly fundamental issues are going to be forced to spend their time fighting a hateful amendment that, in the end, will either fail or be struck down by the courts, will create rifts and divisions in a time when we need unity, and will mean that broader and more impactful issues such as health care, immigration reform, democracy reform, and other broader peace and justice issues will be neglected. And, seeing as how Minnesotans are the best educated people in the country with the best public schools, I know, Minnesota, that you know that this is EXACTLY what the Republicans want. If we are too busy dumping millions of dollars and all of our energy and focus in fighting this ballot measure, we won't have the time, energy, or attention span to watch them closely as they try to really fuck the people.

And if that weren't enough my sweet Mother. Last weekend a tornado tore through one of the poorest neighborhoods in one of the poorest sections of Minneapolis, killing at least one person, wounding many others, and leaving thousands with damaged or unoccupiable homes, including the parents of several of my good friends. The community has pulled together and folks from all of the city are doing what the GOP in the State Legislature doesn't conceptually get....they are pitching in to help and support strangers, folks they don't know, and people that they would otherwise never have met...BECAUSE IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Or, should I say..the Left thing to do.

I love you, Minnesota. Even though I am now living over a thousand miles away in another city and another state with its own set of troubles and worries, my heart and soul belong to Minnesota. I'll be back one day, but until then I am going to encourage folks to send thoughts, prayers, and money to you to help rebuild North Minneapolis and to help defeat this Hate Amendment that will be on the ballot in 2012.

And, listen to your gay prophet, Minnesota. In 2012, Michelle Bachmann will lose her seat in Congress, Barack Obama will carry Minnesota, the DFL will retake both houses of the legislature, the marriage amendment will be defeated and you, Minnesota, will finally get a chance to heal from a decade of abuse and neglect by the very people elected to love you and care for you best.

Miss you tons.

Love always,
Brandon

PS If you see Betty, Sarah, Susan, Rocki, Luca, Cathy, Dawn, my Mom, Pete, Deb, Jesus, Xtina, Pookie, Wifey, or any of my other loved ones...please give them a big old Land O' Lakes hug from me.

Gov. Pawlenty is an Asshole

The MN race for U.S. Senate between Republican incumbent(and asshole) Norm Coleman and DFL challenger (and winner) Al Franken could have been written by George Lucas. It's a bad script, with an over the top villain, and hokey special effects (aka TV ads).

Let's be clear: Al Franken is the U.S. Senator from the Great State of Minnesota.

Norm Coleman is an opportunistic, party changing, flip flopping jackass loser that is clinging for dear life to the senate seat that once belonged to Sen. Wellstone and now has shit smeared all over it by the current office holder.

On November 4, 2009 the ballots were counted and Franken had won.

There was an official recount that included previously discarded or uncounted ballots and Franken won.

A three panel appeals court in Minnesota entertained a lawsuit by Coleman and, yesterday, they declared that Franken had won.

Here's a joke..."How many electoral and/or judicial bodies have to declare a person the winner before he's won?"

The answer? It doesn't matter as long as an arch-conservative asshole sits in the governor's mansion and is entertaining misbegotten ideas of being the 2012 Republican Presidential nominee: Tim Pawlenty.

Tim Pawlenty inherited a fiscally healthy state and drove it into the ground. Thank God the DFL took over both houses of the state legislature and have been able to keep most of his moronic initiatives in check. But, in this instance, a winner in a statewide race can not be declared unless the election is certified by the governor. The governor (a Republican) is ignoring the fact that after two ballot counts and a judicial order and by all indicators Al Franken is the winner. Pawlenty has declared he will not certify any election results until all appeals run their course.

Coleman is now preparing an appeal to the MN Supreme Court. It is my GREATEST and most fervent hope that Justice Alan Paige gets the appeal, rolls it up, and smacks Norm Coleman in the face with it and says, "Bad ex-Senator. Sit." and then tears the damn thing down the middle and says politely, "We decline to hear this bullshit appeal. Go back to St. Paul and fade quietly from view. Or it's the sausage factory for you."

I love Minnesota. It is the greatest state in this country (even accounting for subzero temperatures for a quarter of the year). But, lord have mercy, Norm (WHO IS NOT A MINNESOTA NATIVE!) is an embarassment. Most of us learn in kindergarten to play nicely and to not be sore losers. Obviously he skipped that day. Unfortunately, it is Minnesota that suffers and is looking at an additional two months without a second U.S. Senator. Norm could give a shit about the voters of the state. But who needs a constiuency when you've got an ego the size of Lake Superior.