You and Me: Needs You and YOU! (New York and San Francisco!!!)

It is my hope that My Feet Only Walk Forward is a not only a vehicle for my own special moments (aka rantings, musings, and emotional vomit....see the footer below...it even says so...), but I also hope that this blog is challenges folks; helps folks think through their own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs; sheds light on some of the ways in which the world works; promotes and highlights amazing artists, organizers, performs and their work; and helps connect people to one another through the inter-webs (please note connects PEOPLE to one another...not people to computer monitors). As I am approaching my 500th blog entry here at My Feet Only Walk Forward, and as I have looked back over the last three years of this blog, I have noticed, with much love and pride, that this blog is becoming more and more of the things I hope it will be. I appreciate all of you that have brought your work to my attention, have suggested blog topics, have shown me love, and have used what you have found here in your own work. From classrooms to audition monologues, My Feet Only Walk Forward has gone places I never dreamed it would go when I posted my first blog three years ago this month. Thank you to all of you that have supported this work.

Today's blog entry is another example of the ways in which I hope to continue fulfilling the mission of this blog. My boy Kirk Grisham is a fierce researcher and tireless advocate in the area of HIV/AIDS research and prevention. He is currently the Project Director of the You&Me study at Columbia that is examining the relationships between black and white men. Please check out the information about the study below, and if you or someone you know are the folks that Kirk is looking to find, please get in touch with him! This is important work for the community, and it can't happen unless YOU participate.


You & Me Study!

Principles:
The You & Me Study is based on the principles of community-based research, which emphasizes the experiences and knowledge of its participants. Collaboration between academic researchers and community members is a hallmark of the You & Me study. Contributions of community members have been and are essential to the development and execution of the study; we value and respect your views. We know that couples are the experts on their own relationships; by speaking with us and reflecting on your experiences in your relationship, you are taking an active role in a project that will benefit the community.

What We're Doing
The mission of the You & Me Study is to gain a better understanding of relationship dynamics and the contextual factors that shape them in order to develop interventions to improve the sexual health of men in same-sex relationships. Little health research has focused on same-sex couples, and even fewer studies have included Black and interracial same-sex couples. Talking with couples will allow us to better understand the relationship context that men must negotiate as they make decisions that affect their sexual health.

Why We're Doing This
Men who have sex with men (MSM), especially Black and White men, account for the majority of HIV/AIDS cases in the United States. Even though about half of all MSM are in steady relationships, little research has focused on same-sex couples. Although there is compelling evidence that couples continue to be at risk for HIV, we know very little about relationship factors associated with risk. Our study builds on previous research in the ongoing Gay Couples Studythat has found that agreements between partners are important to reducing HIV risk. You & Me will examine how agreements and other relationship-based factors may influence HIV risk behaviors among same-sex couples.

For more information click here for the You & Me Study Facebook page.
And here you is the You & Me Study webpage.

Rippin' Gender and Writin' Sex: An Interview with Rosalind Lloyd

At the end of June, I was honored to be one of a fantastic line up of readers at Charlie Vazquez's Double Pride Panic reading series at Nowhere Bar in the East Village. One of the reader's that completely blew my mind (and whose story made me harder than a porn star on viagra) was writer Rosalind Lloyd.

After Facebook stalking Rosalind, I asked her if she would agree to an interview about her writing, and she graciously agreed. Let me tell you folks that this interview is going to blow your mind. Rosalind's work not only engages gender, race, and sexuality...but also makes them have sex with each other and give birth to new ways of being and celebrating multiple layers of identity. She does all of this in a context of joyful, hot, sensuality that proudly embraces humanity as inherently sexual beings. In an age that is beginning to make the 1950s look like a giant swinger play party, Rosalind's writing and subject matter is a just the dildo to our collective orifices that we need to jolt us back to an awareness of ourselves that includes a fierce sexuality without shame or condemnation.

Lord I done made my own self hot just thinking about this woman's writing.

Here's the amazing interview with Rosalind. And, please go to Amazon or to her website and buy her work.

When I met you, you read from a hot and steamy story about a tranny that I would love to meet in a dark alley. Why choose a transgender protagonist? How does the gender and sexuality of your character mirror your own?

I LOVE that Patti Smith quote – “As far as I'm concerned, being any gender is a drag.” I’ve always been fascinated by gender identity – particularly within the “community.” I feel we’ve not really freely explored the fluidity of gender because in ways we feel on a base level it conjures up stereotypes, plus, it so easily coincides with sexual identity. It’s still sort of a taboo area – fucking around with gender – refusing to go beyond, to dig deeper than drag queens, drag kings and transgenderism. Many of us are so linear in our thinking because as gay folks, we’ve been persecuted for so long. But delving into our gender and sexual queerness just gives us even more layers and more diversity and that’s a beautiful thing. I knew this person about 15 years ago, a beautiful boi. She would only hang out with gay men and she looked just like one of them – tall, tight hair cut, and rocking the hottest designer fashions for men – I mean gorgeous. She never paid women any attention – she just wasn’t interested. And so the whispers started that she was actually interested in and actually having sex with gay men – although this was never really verified. Naturally a lot of dykes who knew her were sort of disgusted by this and questioned her sexuality – but I found her totally fascinating.

The main character in the piece I read, Troi, – does her gender and sexuality mirror my own? In her queerness – yes – because she is totally left of center. Troi is a dom and I’m not necessarily - but there is a fluidity with respect to her sexuality that can’t be denied and I wanted that reflected in the piece. In fact, I would go as far as saying that Troi might not even be a hot tranny as you’ve described him. If you remember, there is a scene where Troi is discreetly cruising the young brothers at that club – the ones with their jeans hanging low, all that rough swagger. She could have been peeping them on the low. Although she hooks up with this incredibly sexy young lady, why not look at the more ambiguous target (the young brothers) as a possibility? This would actually make Troi queergendered. But I didn’t want to push it that far.


In person, you present as very femme, yet, the character in your story is the epitome of masculinity. How does your perceived gender and the way you write gender intersect?

There is a huge intersection there. If a feminine woman straps on – does that make her any less a woman? If a dominant woman wants to be penetrated, does that make her any less a dom? Same question for men, regardless of their sexual and gender identity. I’m a strong believer that gender – just like sexuality - is fluid. Writing about dildos is not necessarily an overwhelmingly receptive topic for many lesbians because anything male identified, anything with a masculine identity, any phallic symbols are highly problematic not only because it’s male, but for some, it also challenges our sexual identity as women. I felt it was necessary to challenge that notion in my writing. Looking at this another way – I know this “straight” married couple. Very hot. She’s a beautiful, high fem and her husband is this tall, strapping, manly-man. One Valentine’s Day, she dressed up in a corset and strap on and he was totally into his wife making love to him like this. To me, that’s hot. What’s unfortunate is that there are segments of society that might have a problem with people expressing themselves in this way. Some might want to push this type of desire in little boxes – in closets. That’s a shame.

Often times, women with a powerful and overt sexuality are both objectified and reviled. How does your work address stereotypes of women and sexuality?

Well, I don’t feel like I’m addressing gender stereotypes in the heteronormative sense. But in a queer sense, I feel that female gender shifting – gender questioning, aggressive women, butch/dominant women are never revered. Yes, hot fems continue to be more socially and politically acceptable as popular culture finds feminine girl-on-girl action sexy and accessible while feeling threatened by strong, masculine, dominant women whether straight or otherwise. The same goes for bisexual women in a smaller sense because they straddle a certain divide – not really being accepted anywhere completely. Women who can openly declare their bisexuality gets major props from me. It’s well known that lesbians don’t find them attractive targets (and some men think they find bi-girls attractive until that 3-some doesn’t go in their favor). Anyway, to be emboldened by your ‘queerness’ is sexy to me. Women wonder why many bi or bi curious women lie about their sexuality? Because some lesbians feel overly threatened by the maleness of their competition and their male sexuality and identity. Same goes for gender questioning/gender transitioning women. Many lesbians I know say they would never date a gender diverse person. There’s that visceral response to maleness. When transgendered Thomas Beattie (who gave birth to his second child just last month) was mentioned - the press wasn’t above making its share of insensitive comments relating to his gender and sexuality. There is SO much power in this man giving birth – in the 21st century – the actual power in his femaleness AND his maleness - it made America take an honest look at how complex gender really is and how gender and sexuality intersects no matter how much conservatism wants to sanitize it. Gender, anatomy, sexuality – all delicious ingredients that makes us who we are and how we identify. We should learn to fully embrace that freedom without restrictions.

You ain't white...and in Amerikkka that means your racial identity is front and center whether or not that is where you want it. How does your racial identity come out in your writing?

In my piece Cop-Out, racial identity is obvious due to the hip hop element, Troi’s dark fudge skin, using terms like red-bone, etc. But actually in many of my other works, although the subject is usually an attractive black woman, I intentionally write the story from a 1st person perspective where the reader - of any race – of any gender/sexual identity can actually place herself/himself as the protagonist. When I first came out, most of what I saw in the erotica section were works involving non-people of color. I remember what that felt like and I wanted to make sure that I, a woman of color, was reflected so that a sister growing up in middle-of the-country-America could pick up an anthology and find a little of herself in it. Also – I wanted it to be okay for a white girl, or an Asian girl, a Latina, a native American, a mixed race or a gender-questioning person to pick up an anthology with a story I’ve written in it and say to themselves, yes, this black woman is hot, she’s beautiful, she’s desirable – and its perfectly fine to feel this way about her.

Your writing is fierce and joyful in its realness. When you write, what is your main goal, what do you want a reader to walk away with when they read a Rosalind Lloyd piece?

To be open. To free yourself from the restrictions of gender and sexuality. To explore yourself and your desires and not to be blinded or intimidated by stereotypes and the boxes people sometimes like to push themselves and others in. Let’s enjoy that aspect of our lives to the fullest.

Where can folks that want to check out your work or you and your work find you?

First I would like to note that I should be searched under Rosalind Christine Lloyd. There is another Rosalind Lloyd out there is cyberspace and – we ain’t the same person….LOL!

There’s my blog: Scribevibe – www.rosalindchristinelloyd.blogspot.com
I’m also on Facebook and Twitter so please “friend” and “follow” me. “Cop-out,” the piece I did at the reading is in three anthologies and I just got word it is coming out again, in a fourth release in Sometimes She Lets Me: Best Butch/Femme Erotica edited by Tristan Taormino and published by Cleis Press coming out in 2010 – but you can find it in Best Lesbian Erotica and Best Lesbian Bondage. My Blog will have more info on it. Lately, my work in anthologies has been centered around spanking. In August, I have a piece called “Soror Sister,” in Bottoms Up: Spanking Good Stories, published also by Cleis and edited by Rachel Kramer Bussell. But you can also go to Amazon and search under Rosalind Christine Lloyd for some of my earlier work.

Well spank me Ms. Lloyd cuz you are a fierce woman, and it was a pleasure to hear you read and to meet you. Thank you so much for your work and for agreeing to this interview.

Rosalind Christine Lloyd is a contemporary fiction and erotica writer (and occasional poet) whose work has appeared in over fifteen anthologies including the Best Lesbian Erotica and Best American Erotica series. She has worked with some of the most prominent names in women’s erotic-lit like Tristan Taormino and Rachel Kramer Bussel. Her latest piece was published last year in Spanked: Red Cheek Erotica and another slated for release late this summer in Bottom’s Up, both edited by Kramer Bussel. Rosalind has two novels in progress, one of which she hopes to publish as an e-book. She’s also compiling a collection of her published short fiction and has one completed screenplay. She lives downtown with her queer version of a nuclear family.

Kenyon Farrow's Speech on HIV/AIDS From Creating Change 2009 in Denver

Kenyon Farrow is an organizer, communications strategist and writer working on issues at the intersection of HIV/AIDS, prisons and homophobia. A current Policy Institute fellow with the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Farrow is working on a report about the HIV/AIDS epidemic in Black gay and bisexual men in the U.S. This is a copy if his speech from the 2009 Creating Change Conference.

PERSONAL NOTE: Kenyon Farrow is a friend of mine, an inspiration to me, and a great and powerful asset to our work and this movement. He also works at Queers for Economic Justice.

SPEECH

In 1991, nearly 18 years ago, I was 15 years old when my mother, who was working 13 hour days, 6 days a week in Cleveland, OH, sat me and my two sisters down in front of the television to watch history.

It was not unusual for her to do such a thing. For, we had been made to watch the Civil Rights Documentary "Eyes on The Prize" in its entirety. We also watched "How the West Was Lost," the documentary about White American expansion into the "Americas" and the genocide of First Nation peoples--to understand what we perhaps weren't learning in one of the worst school districts in the country.

But that night, in 1991, my mother--after right-wing Senators Jesse Helms and Arlen Spector tried to protect "American Families" from being able to view it public television--sat us in front of the television to watch Marlon Riggs' breakthrough film on black gay men, Tongues Untied.
Apple iTunes

The film, and the poetry of the men in the film, particularly Essex Hemphill, was for me the example of the possibility of a Black gay life, of an aesthetic, and of a radical, sex-positive, pro-feminist politic. They were, quite literally, the men of my own dreams.

Though they would both make more films, more books, they would both be dead of HIV-related causes by 1995, within one year of each other. And just short of the first anti-retrovirals to hit the market. And half of the people in this room don't even know of the two names that I speak.

Despite their examples as two of many who spent the late 80s and early 1990s literally writing us into the history of the planet while they were being dragged from the face of it, we have largely lost the layered, nuanced, and multi-issue nature of their brilliant work, which very clearly demonstrates the social conditions of Black working class queer life in the context of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Theirs was not a politics of inclusion--but a politics of sexual liberation in a decidedly Black gay context.

These men, and many others who died from HIV or from violence, were not only cultural workers but were in fact movement-minded folk--starting and running organizations, writing and creating, and making political alliances with Black lesbian organizations, other radical third-world people of color artists and organizers.

Their work that gave the public health world, and the mainstream LGBT movement a body of work with which to fashion ideas around the context of HIV/AIDS among Black "men who have sex with men." But instead of looking to that work as insight and inspiration, we have built a public health, Black, and/or LGBT movement response to HIV/AIDS among Black MSM with the decidedly ignorant assumption that we don't know what's going on with Black "men who have sex with men" and that there is no Black queer leadership that currently exists or could not be further nurtured and developed.
STATISTICS

Despite major advances in treating the virus, the HIV/AIDS epidemic seems to be getting worse for people in our community. At the International AIDS Conference, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) stunned the international AIDS community by announcing that the richest nation on earth had over 56,000 new infections in 2006. This revision also included a back-calculation revealing that, for the 15 years from 1991-2006, infection rates were approximately 25-50 percent higher than the long-held 40,000 annual estimate.

Not only have we been undercounting the growth of the epidemic, men who have sex with men (MSM -- that public health category that includes gay and bisexual men, and transgender women) continue to bear the greatest increases in new infections. In 2006, 53 percent of all new infections were among MSM.

More stunning, it found the number of new infections of black MSM ages 13-29 to be the highest of all MSM groups. Even though CDC officials are typically conservative in its public statements, CDC scientists are stating publicly that black MSM are the only group in the U.S. with HIV rates similar to Sub-Saharan African nations, despite similar or lower rates of risky sex or substance abuse than white MSM.

Though transwomen are counted in the "MSM" category, some data has shown Black MTF transwomen have an HIV prevalence rate of 56%.

While black MSM certainly bear the brunt of the virus, gay and bisexual the virus disproportionately impacts men and transgender women of all races.
POLICY

There are many policy changes that we'd like to see, many of which are encompassed in the National AIDS Strategy, and those are likely to happen. So I am going to focus on what we in this room, as activists and organizers in the LGBT movement, need to do.
MOVEMENT

First and foremost, the time where we can pretend that there is no viable, credible or visible Black (or other POC) queer leadership is over. While we certainly need to be developing leaders, leadership per se, is not the problem. We have lost of leaders, but leaders with no base that they're accountable to. Because what little Black LGBT infrastructure that exists, is largely due to HIV/AIDS service delivery, we are able to reach lots of people in our organizations as "clients", but are rarely engaged as potential leaders, organizers or members of our organizations. We need the investment of both progressive philanthropy and LGBT funders to help build the capacity and infrastructure of organizations to move from strict service delivery to doing community organizing, leadership development, and base-building.

Lastly, as long as the White-led mainstream LGBT movement is invested in seeing itself as the only credible leadership or it's organizations the only ones doing "the real work" or having "real impact" we will continue to invisibilize the work that Black and other POC organizations are doing on the ground, in spite of real material obstacles. So every time the gay news media and organizations promote ideas of the gay community vs. the Black community, Black queers will continue to remain invisible, and assumes that Black queer people are not engaging in a battle against homophobia and transphobia in the Black community.

Phrases like the Advocate's recent "Gay is the New Black" which has surfaced in stickers and T-shirts in gayborhoods as well, is racist, dangerous, and ignores the reality despite having a Black president, Black people in America continue to suffer a vast array of health, and socio-economic disparities, even when you control for all other factors. Not only that, it also, once again, presumes that to be LGB or T is to be white and usually male.

Just yesterday at this conference, a major figure in the same-sex marriage movement told a young queer person of color that "there are some people in our community who are fit to lobby, and some who are fit to sing and dance."

These kinds of comments are simply disgusting, particularly since many people of color and transgender people in white gay male spaces are only allowed in to do as much. The sad thing is, for too many people of color in this movement, the line between being asked by white-led organizations to lobby, or to sing & dance, is far too thin.

I think a lot about Marlon Riggs, Essex Hemphill, Barbara Smith, Audre Lorde and many others, as artists and organizers and activists who have led the way for me to be able to stand here on this stage, and it seems sad to me that in my work as a writer and here with the Task Force & Queers for Economic Justice, with my comrades in the room and in various movements around the country-- having to make the arguments, they'd been making for decades.

And we can have all of our policy wish lists items and services around HIV met--but without movement building from the grassroots of people most vulnerable to serve as the place where real change happens. And so long as no cure is found we will not see an end to the epidemic and the disproportionate impact it has on people of African descent globally.

I would hope, that after the decades of efforts to make visible the work that Black LGBTQ people are engaged in directly or indirectly related to HIV/AIDS, not another person has to stand here, decades from now, having to justify or make visible that work, ever again. We are beyond the point of benign ignorance. The bodies in this room, and the graveyards many of us are carrying on our backs, tell a different story.

And so now, should we.