There are those moments in life when an individual opens up his mouth and something so far beyond ridiculous and inappropriate comes out that your first and immediate reaction is to start looking for hidden cameras. As the crazy continues you may even begin to wonder about your own insanity or eyeball your cocktail in an effort to figure out if perhaps you've been roofied and are about to pass out and wake up in a trailer park on the outskirts of Weehawken.
And sometimes when you have those moments you are given a harsh reality check of just how much work there is left to do in this world.
Last night, while at dinner with Keith and the fabulous Chad Pace aka Divine Grace, after a very short foray into Fashion Night Out 2011, we were enjoying delicious margaritas and burritos at Lime Jungle with their signature homemade salsas (try the mango habanero...it was out of this world), when a gay from New Jersey approached our table.
How did we know he was from Jersey, you might ask yourself, and the answer is that Jersey Gays give off a particular aura that is a combination of old PBR, corn chips, and cheap lube. Oh yeah, and we asked him.
The kid walks up to our table, startling us by his abrupt manifestation, and asks us politely if he might ask us a question. We say yes and the conversation followed:
New Jersey Gay: "Do you think this neighborhood has a higher rate of HIV infection than normal?"
Us: *blink* *blink* *blink* (in unison)
Me: "Well, ummm, I wouldn't know the answer to that question, but I am sure there are resources onine that map out HIV infection rates in a city area, why do you ask?"
New Jersey Gay: "Well let me ask you this...can you get HIV from you know getting a blow job."
Keith: *eyes widen*
Chad: *eyes narrowing*
Me: "Well, you can but the risk of infection is relatively low..."
New Jersey Gay cuts me off and asks, "But what about you know, giving one," and he then mimes giving a blow job."
Me: "Well, as I said the risk is low..."
New Jersey Gay interrupts again,"I have a picture of me with Brittney Spears....not sure if you guys would even care but a guy like me with a picture with someone like her...well...you know..."
At this point my This-Poor-Gay-Is-Higher-Than-A-Kite-Dar goes off. Chad and Keith start to talk at once.
Chad: "Have you ever heard of the Internet..."
New Jersey Gay (missing the sarcasm): "Yes..."
Chad: "You can get this information from the Internet...you might want to try it."
Keith: "What was your original question?"
New Jersey Gay: "Can you get HIV from a blow job?"
Me: "No, actually, you asked about HIV infection rates in this neighborhood."
Keith: "Why would you ask that? And why would you come up to us and ask that question?"
New Jersey Gay: "If I got AIDS, I would kill myself. I don't want to get tested."
At this point, I am trying to figure out how to best intervene in the conversation and figure out what this guy really needs in terms of immediate information. So I say: "I am HIV positive, and I live a really amazing life."
This statement seems to break through the young, confused, and tweaked man's head for a moment.
New Jersey Gay: "That's really brave of you to say that." Pity was oozing out of his face.
Me, slightly annoyed, "And it's really dumb to not get tested. You should call GMHC and get tested."
New Jersey Gay: "But I heard that if you are circumcized you can't get it. I'm cut. Are you cut?"
I was so shocked that I actually answered automatically, "Yes."
New Jersey Gay: "And you still got It?"
Then the drugs the guy was on must have kicked in good enough to truly short circuit any ability to think rationally, as he slaps his and on the table, shows us a finger nail with a white half moon on the nail and says:
"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE AIDS?"
Right then, Brandon the educator left the building, and Brandon the about to kick-his-ass took over. I said politely, but firmly, "You need to walk away now and go back to your table."
Keith was much less polite and much more forceful. I watched his body contract and compact. I call him the Puma as a term of endearment, but in that moment he seriously looked like he was going to go jungle cat and leap over the table and shred this kid. Keith told the kid to walk away, and though the kid mumbled something about not liking being told what to do. He said so while walking quickly back to his table. A moment later he goes to the bathroom and he returns shortly thereafter with his eyelids fluttering in a manner that says clearly that he is under the influence of some sort of narcotic.
When the conversation started, I really felt that it was a moment for education. The guys questions, though massively ill informed were legitimate. It was obvious that despite the tremendous amount of public education that has happened around HIV/AIDS prevention/transmission that somewhere somehow the public education campaign had failed this kid. From what we could tell from the outside, the kid (aka somewhere in his mid-20s early 30s) was white, probably middle to upper middle class and spoke as if he had received formal education. How he had such little knowledge about HIV transmission or could imagine that AIDS was something that you could identify vis a vis a fingernail abnormality was probably a combination of lack of education and the seemingly very efficacious illegal substances he was on, but the overall situation was so surreal that all three of us, afterwards, would have sworn it was a group hallucination if the kid hadn't still been visible to us less than 10 feet away.
In the end, despite the overall screwed up nature of the situation and the immediate internal emotional drama it stirred up for me as a person living with HIV, the real lesson was that HIV/AIDS prevention education has not reached as broadly or deeply as it should after 30 years of the pandemic. Abstinence only laws and Right wing religious education that short circuits real life saving education has an impact in places that are unexpected (aka not only the Deep South but just across the river in Jersey or in the rural Midwest and Southwest). And, there is a lot of work to do to stop the ignorance that lack of education around HIV and STIs breeds.
And if I ever see the New Jersey Gay on the street...he may get a free baptism in the Hudson.
Showing posts with label AIDS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AIDS. Show all posts
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Behind the Easter Bonnet: Backstage with the Cast of the Lion King
The upsides are that I have an amazing and sweet friend who is supportive and loving. I also get to go to some fantastic shit.
Last week, the 25th Annual Easter Bonnet Competition took place at theater that is home to the Lion King. For those of you that aren't familiar (I sure as hell wasn't), the Easter Bonnet Competition was started in 1987 as a benefit to support Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS
, which is the foundation of the Equity Actors' Union. Since 1987, the foundation has raised and awarded $46 million to organizations that provide support to people living with HIV/AIDS. Each year, the Easter Bonnet competition raises $3 million to support the foundation.
Basically, a good portion of the shows on Broadway produce some fairly hilarious and amazing skits that they perform to a sold out audience over two days. A List celebrities often make surprise appearances in each of the skits, and the event, this year, was hosted by Robin Williams and Judith Light (she is TINY as Hell).
This year, the cast of the Lion King decided to do a skit of RuPaul's Drag Race, particularly since the season finale of the reality show took place during the Easter Bonnet Competition. As a surprise guest star, they brought Bebe Zahara Benet into the cast for the Tuesday afternoon performance. It was hilarious to be in the audience when Bebe took the stage with the other cast members cum drag queens....as folks were like..."Is that the real Bebe? It sure looks like Bebe. I think that is Bebe. Naw that's not the real Bebe." I almost pissed myself laughing. A little trickle may have escaped. I can neither confirm nor deny that urinary fact.
The skit lasted all of four minutes, but I had spent the previous four hours backstage in the dressing room with the marvelous cast members that were taking part in the skit. Organized by Alvin and Jean Michelle (both Lion King cast members), I had a hoot of a time getting to know some of the folks that make the magic of the Lion King. From the wig master who, on about an hours notice, merged two ratty ass wigs that looked like rejects from a Judd's concert into a high hair Southern girl spectacular to the "pit crew," members that stripped down to bedazzled square cut shorts, oiled up and started doing a work out in the dressing room (in a room full of mirrors, it was impossible not to oogle...and LORD HAVE MERCY was I trying to be respectful and not have a spontaneous orgasm when they started doing push ups)...the prep for the show was more fun than I've had in forever.
And the best part was when the straight pit crew hunk of chocolatey loveliness walked out into the hallway outside of the dressing room in his shorts and ran right into Robin Williams who looked at him and said, "What the fuck!"
Oh yes....there are most definitely benefits to having a gay celebrity as a best friend.
I want to thank the cast of the Lion King for their amazing love and support of Bebe, and I want to send my personal love and thanks to Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. They provide support to Camp Heartland (largest camp for children and families impacted by HIV/AIDS...I am a former staff member of the parent organization of the camp: One Heartland). Thank you for an amazing afternoon and for welcoming us into the Lion King family!
Friday, December 31, 2010
A Cure for HIV?
I believe in miracles. I believe that miracles come in two forms: those seemingly impossible happenings that can not be explained because the science has yet to be developed to explain them and those truly mysterious events that defy science, logic, rational thought and, sometimes, even hope.
When I first saw the headlines that a man called the Berlin patient, Timothy Ray Brown, had been cured of HIV, I believed the headline. Frankly, any credible news publication that would print that headline would have made sure that there was little to no doubt about the veracity of the claim. So, I believed the headline. What I didn’t know was whether this was miracle type one or miracle type two.
After reading the article, which outlined a bit about Timothy’s story, how he was HIV positive and had developed leukemia, which had been treated with a bone marrow stem cell transplant—with a little twist in that the stem cells were taken from a donor that had a genetic abnormality in which the CD5 receptor cells (the cells that HIV uses to invade white blood cells) were missing—and now he was seemingly cured of HIV. Immediately, I questioned whether or not the doctors had biopsied some of the places that HIV likes to hide out (the brain, lymph areas, etc.) where it is not detectable by regular blood test only to read in a further article that the Berlin patient had developed a neurological condition which required a brain biopsy. The biopsy confirmed that HIV was also absent from his brain and spinal fluids. After reading about the biopsy, I was convinced that I’d lived to see a miracle occur that I hadn’t allowed myself to dream about.
The best part of the miracle is that it is absolutely explainable by science. While I know and have seen the hand of God reach out and touch the world creating tremendous and powerful healings, the Big Guy is hard to reach, quite often booked for years, and sometimes when he returns your call, the news isn’t the news you wanted to hear. So, I offered up a little prayer of thanks—mostly because when a miracle can be explained by science it makes it easier for other folks to become miracle workers.
There are a group of researchers that are now working to try and find out exactly how to repeat this miracle. The fact remains that until this treatment is repeated successfully, it is still firmly in the “mysterious act of God” column on the miracle tracking chart. And even if the procedure is repeated successfully using donor stem cells, the cure will be extremely expensive and will wholly rely on finding other rare donors with the same CD5 genetic mutation that also happen to have a matching bone marrow donor type to the HIV positive person in need (please see the above paragraph about the likelihood of Type One miracles).
Frankly, I watched a family member that I loved dearly, my cousin Jim, go through chemotherapy and an experimental stem cell treatment for a rare type of leukemia. The chemotherapy ate at his body and his spirit, and though he fought and fought hard, he lost his battle. The pain that he had to endure during his fight was heartbreaking. A cure that demands that type of pain as its cost is one that may be more than many people are ready or able to face.
Researchers are also looking at developing gene therapies that would replace the need for donor stem cells. In 2009, a group of doctors were awarded a research grant to look at ways to substitute CD5 deficient stem cells as an alternative to the process that the Berlin patient underwent. It could be years before a successful and cost-effective gene therapy treatment is developed.
In the end, I am so very happy for Timothy Ray Brown. I am excited for what this cure means for the HIV positive community. I sincerely hope that the doctor’s that developed this treatment are on the short list for next year’s Nobel Prize in Physics and Medicine. But, for now, I am keeping this one-time, isolated event in the miracles column. All signs are pointing to a shift of this miracle from the Hand of God type to the scientific discovery type, but there are still too many “what ifs” standing between Timothy Ray Brown and a cheap and effective cure that, for example, will be easily available to people living and dying from AIDS in Sub-Saharan Africa for me to recommend that the good people at TheBody.com start looking for new jobs in the post-AIDS era.
But, regardless of the caveats, this is a hell of a great way to ring in 2011. Perhaps by the end of the year, the miracle will become scientific fact, and next year, I will have many good friends at the TheBody.com sending out their resumes and looking for new jobs.
When I first saw the headlines that a man called the Berlin patient, Timothy Ray Brown, had been cured of HIV, I believed the headline. Frankly, any credible news publication that would print that headline would have made sure that there was little to no doubt about the veracity of the claim. So, I believed the headline. What I didn’t know was whether this was miracle type one or miracle type two.
After reading the article, which outlined a bit about Timothy’s story, how he was HIV positive and had developed leukemia, which had been treated with a bone marrow stem cell transplant—with a little twist in that the stem cells were taken from a donor that had a genetic abnormality in which the CD5 receptor cells (the cells that HIV uses to invade white blood cells) were missing—and now he was seemingly cured of HIV. Immediately, I questioned whether or not the doctors had biopsied some of the places that HIV likes to hide out (the brain, lymph areas, etc.) where it is not detectable by regular blood test only to read in a further article that the Berlin patient had developed a neurological condition which required a brain biopsy. The biopsy confirmed that HIV was also absent from his brain and spinal fluids. After reading about the biopsy, I was convinced that I’d lived to see a miracle occur that I hadn’t allowed myself to dream about.
The best part of the miracle is that it is absolutely explainable by science. While I know and have seen the hand of God reach out and touch the world creating tremendous and powerful healings, the Big Guy is hard to reach, quite often booked for years, and sometimes when he returns your call, the news isn’t the news you wanted to hear. So, I offered up a little prayer of thanks—mostly because when a miracle can be explained by science it makes it easier for other folks to become miracle workers.
There are a group of researchers that are now working to try and find out exactly how to repeat this miracle. The fact remains that until this treatment is repeated successfully, it is still firmly in the “mysterious act of God” column on the miracle tracking chart. And even if the procedure is repeated successfully using donor stem cells, the cure will be extremely expensive and will wholly rely on finding other rare donors with the same CD5 genetic mutation that also happen to have a matching bone marrow donor type to the HIV positive person in need (please see the above paragraph about the likelihood of Type One miracles).
Frankly, I watched a family member that I loved dearly, my cousin Jim, go through chemotherapy and an experimental stem cell treatment for a rare type of leukemia. The chemotherapy ate at his body and his spirit, and though he fought and fought hard, he lost his battle. The pain that he had to endure during his fight was heartbreaking. A cure that demands that type of pain as its cost is one that may be more than many people are ready or able to face.
Researchers are also looking at developing gene therapies that would replace the need for donor stem cells. In 2009, a group of doctors were awarded a research grant to look at ways to substitute CD5 deficient stem cells as an alternative to the process that the Berlin patient underwent. It could be years before a successful and cost-effective gene therapy treatment is developed.
In the end, I am so very happy for Timothy Ray Brown. I am excited for what this cure means for the HIV positive community. I sincerely hope that the doctor’s that developed this treatment are on the short list for next year’s Nobel Prize in Physics and Medicine. But, for now, I am keeping this one-time, isolated event in the miracles column. All signs are pointing to a shift of this miracle from the Hand of God type to the scientific discovery type, but there are still too many “what ifs” standing between Timothy Ray Brown and a cheap and effective cure that, for example, will be easily available to people living and dying from AIDS in Sub-Saharan Africa for me to recommend that the good people at TheBody.com start looking for new jobs in the post-AIDS era.
But, regardless of the caveats, this is a hell of a great way to ring in 2011. Perhaps by the end of the year, the miracle will become scientific fact, and next year, I will have many good friends at the TheBody.com sending out their resumes and looking for new jobs.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The End of Dissent or When the FB Target Boycotters Went Neo-Con
Over the last few days, I believe I have offered proactive solutions that would help build a stronger justice movement through organizing around the Target (and Best Buy) donations to Minnesota Forward. While many folks have expressed appreciation and support of the points I have offered in the three blogs that I have posted about the Target Boycott and the Citizens United ruling there are many that have disagreed. Overwhelmingly, people that hold that a boycott is the right strategy have disagreed respectfully and expressed their reasons why they believe that it is a good response. A large few, but still the minority, have had various levels of virulent response from dismissal to outright hostility and shaming tactics. That all comes with the territory.
Over the last few days I have, and other folks have, posted some of my blogs on the Facebook page "Boycott Target Until They Cease Funding Anti-Gay Politics." In fact, I wasn't aware of the group until my partner, after posting my initial blog "Why Not to Boycott Target," to the group brought the group to my attention. Since then, I have posted my last three essays to the group, and I have engaged in respectful yet dissenting conversation with several of the members of the group, including the gentleman that founded the group.
Today, I went back to the site and saw that there was a conversation going on around the political donation by Target and its connection to the Citizens United v FEC decision, which I wrote about yesterday. I thought it would be appropriate to post a link to yesterday's essay in the context of the conversation taking place. It was then that I discovered that my right to post links to the site had been revoked by the site administrator.
At first I thought, or hoped, that it was a glitch with the system. So I tried posting the link, instead of within an existing conversation thread, as its own stand alone link. I was, once again, told that I was not allowed to take that action.
For the first time in this dialogue around strategy I shifted from disappointed to very angry.
Restricting or eliminating dissent, quieting opposition, and removing the ability of individuals to participate in community dialogues are tools of the Right and not the Left. Or, better to say, those are tools of the far right fascists and the far left Stalinist/Maoist communists. In community dialogues, where there are feelings and offerings of multiple strategies, as long as the dialogue stays respectful, the community can only come out stronger on the other side of the work to hear, synthesize, and craft a measured and intelligent response or proactive engagement with a justice issue. Utilizing ones personal power to silence someone with whom you disagree for the simple fact that you disagree with that person is shameful.
When I served as the chair of the National Lavender Green Caucus of the Green Party of the United States, there was a member of the caucus that, on a regular basis, posted ridiculous, harmful, and rabid emails to our list serve concerning his belief, and the pseudo-science behind it, that HIV doesn't cause AIDS. As an HIV positive person I was deeply offended. His postings, which also included personal attacks on positive people that held the belief that HIV does, indeed, cause AIDS callws us deluded at best and stupid at worst. Yet, after reprimanding this individual for the tone of his emails and the ad hominem attacks, I took no further action on his ability to participate in dialogues as long as decorum was maintained. Though I HATED the things he was saying, and though I felt viscerally that they were wrong and hurtful, and though I had the power to remove him from the dialogue altogether, I didn't. That is the measure of how committed one is to building community and not directing it. It takes more courage to listen to ideas with which you don't agree then to remove those ideas from the conversation.
In the end, I understand that there are those that feel so strongly about the Steinhafel donation to Minnesota Forward that they are unable or unwilling to consider the collateral damage, strategic damage, and human damage of a boycott. If those same people are unable or unwilling to see this as a PRIME organizing opportunity to build, sustain, and strengthen cross community and multi-issue organizing, then perhaps posting anything to a group occupied by those folks is a fruitless enterprise.
We demand as a community the right to exercise the First Amendment, and, yet, too often we don't apply that right to those around us. Sad sad day.
Over the last few days I have, and other folks have, posted some of my blogs on the Facebook page "Boycott Target Until They Cease Funding Anti-Gay Politics." In fact, I wasn't aware of the group until my partner, after posting my initial blog "Why Not to Boycott Target," to the group brought the group to my attention. Since then, I have posted my last three essays to the group, and I have engaged in respectful yet dissenting conversation with several of the members of the group, including the gentleman that founded the group.
Today, I went back to the site and saw that there was a conversation going on around the political donation by Target and its connection to the Citizens United v FEC decision, which I wrote about yesterday. I thought it would be appropriate to post a link to yesterday's essay in the context of the conversation taking place. It was then that I discovered that my right to post links to the site had been revoked by the site administrator.
At first I thought, or hoped, that it was a glitch with the system. So I tried posting the link, instead of within an existing conversation thread, as its own stand alone link. I was, once again, told that I was not allowed to take that action.
For the first time in this dialogue around strategy I shifted from disappointed to very angry.
Restricting or eliminating dissent, quieting opposition, and removing the ability of individuals to participate in community dialogues are tools of the Right and not the Left. Or, better to say, those are tools of the far right fascists and the far left Stalinist/Maoist communists. In community dialogues, where there are feelings and offerings of multiple strategies, as long as the dialogue stays respectful, the community can only come out stronger on the other side of the work to hear, synthesize, and craft a measured and intelligent response or proactive engagement with a justice issue. Utilizing ones personal power to silence someone with whom you disagree for the simple fact that you disagree with that person is shameful.
When I served as the chair of the National Lavender Green Caucus of the Green Party of the United States, there was a member of the caucus that, on a regular basis, posted ridiculous, harmful, and rabid emails to our list serve concerning his belief, and the pseudo-science behind it, that HIV doesn't cause AIDS. As an HIV positive person I was deeply offended. His postings, which also included personal attacks on positive people that held the belief that HIV does, indeed, cause AIDS callws us deluded at best and stupid at worst. Yet, after reprimanding this individual for the tone of his emails and the ad hominem attacks, I took no further action on his ability to participate in dialogues as long as decorum was maintained. Though I HATED the things he was saying, and though I felt viscerally that they were wrong and hurtful, and though I had the power to remove him from the dialogue altogether, I didn't. That is the measure of how committed one is to building community and not directing it. It takes more courage to listen to ideas with which you don't agree then to remove those ideas from the conversation.
In the end, I understand that there are those that feel so strongly about the Steinhafel donation to Minnesota Forward that they are unable or unwilling to consider the collateral damage, strategic damage, and human damage of a boycott. If those same people are unable or unwilling to see this as a PRIME organizing opportunity to build, sustain, and strengthen cross community and multi-issue organizing, then perhaps posting anything to a group occupied by those folks is a fruitless enterprise.
We demand as a community the right to exercise the First Amendment, and, yet, too often we don't apply that right to those around us. Sad sad day.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Everyday Heroes: Olivia Ford
The Lord works in mysterious ways. So does the Interwebs. The Holy Ghost in the Machine has brought me a new Everyday Hero.
For almost a month now, I have been blogging at TheBody.com. The Body is an online resource focused on HIV/AIDS. The website has everything from a medical staff that answers questions to public policy. The Body also maintains a cadre of bloggers and blogs that discuss a range of topics related to living with HIV/AIDS.
When I was asked to be a guest blogger and then a regular blogger for TheBody.com, I was scared as hell. I am still scared as hell. But, there is one person that absolutely helps mitigate that fear, which allows me to write as openly as I can, and that is Olivia Ford.
I am not sure what Olivia's job title is at TheBody.com, but she is my editor. I haven't yet had a chance to meet this wonderful human being (though we discovered early on that we run all around the same circles of peoples), but I have to say that this woman has been an unlooked for and welcome blessing. Her ability to comfort, support, and give real and truthful feedback, hear your truth and help you see that it is beautiful even when it is hard, is something that I have rarely experienced before (for those of you that know Susan Raffo...she is another one of those rare spirits with the same gift). If she has judgments about the things she has read, those judgments have never come across in her communications.
I want to be just like Olivia when I grow up, though I think her gifts may be beyond my powers...so I will stick to writing ;-).
Thank you, Olivia, for being an Everyday Hero, for sharing your gentle spirit and your critical eye to the work of living. You are appreciated.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Working Through It
So, after Friday nights exchange with my teammate, whose name I shall not use as he asked oh so politely that I not do so. And even though I would be completely justified in ignoring a request that was made so lovingly, I will go ahead and respect the request boxed inside the venom.
I have been struggling hard core since Friday night. Today, I finally came to the astounding conclusion that the voice that I keep hearing, in Dolby Digital Stereo Surround Sound repeating that I am a piece of shit isn't my teammate's voice, it's my own.
Frankly, I have no power over the opinion that someone else has of me. I suppose if I lived my life in a cubicle and never made any mistakes, small or fucking huge as I have done, then I suppose, controlling for all that, I could influence someones opinion of me. But change it? Nope...that's not a power I have.
But I can interrupt those tapes inside of me that are determined to keep me kicking my own ass until my motherfuckin' foot falls off or gets wedged somewhere in my colon.
Colostomy, table of one, please.
Now...considering the voice that has declared that I am a piece of shit is, in fact, a part of my own psyche, which means, technically, I do have control over it, one would assume that one could just flip the off switch and away it would go. Unfortunately, to get to the off switch you have to wade hip deep in the Bog of Eternal Stench, with giant leeches the size of Rush Limbaugh's ass trying to suck the life out of you, as you have to do a back hand spring through a mine field covered in old syringes filled with nitroglycerin and all piled on top of a nuclear warhead that goes by the nick name of Bubbles and is on a hair trigger held by a 98 year old man with cerebral palsy and the DTs.
But if you can get through all of that, well, by all means, turn that switch right off...and...while you're at it...cure AIDS, homelessness, and cold fusion.
So, since I am not Mary Lou Retton inside of a cybertronic Voltron-on-steroids intergalactic gymnastics suit, I get to sit with the mother fucking feelings until I can get a handle enough on them to step outside of my front door.
This weekend I did a lot of isolating and a lot of hiding. I didn't go to the gym. I skipped my softball games, and it took a supreme act of will and effort to go to the BBQ and Hummus parties that I attended. It took all of my energy to put on my happy face and go play well adjusted and normal for several hours at a stretch.
But that's just it...I'm not normal. No matter how much I want to be, I am not normal. I am a recovering meth addict that is HIV positive. No matter how much I want those two things to be different. They won't be. Not in this lifetime. No matter how much I want to be just like everyone else (well, ok...even if I were not a positive addict, I am too fuckin' weird to be just like everyone else), but no matter how drunk I get or high I get to permission myself to act like a self-absorbed person just looking for a little human contact without any barriers, I don't get to be that person anymore. This fucking (these fucking) disease have taken that away. And though it is fucked up, foul, wrong, unjust, uncool, and just plain oppressive that people living with HIV are held to a higher, different standard of behavior (ie....if a straight guy and girl fuck without a condom and the girl gets pregnant, no one gets called a piece of shit...if two dudes are on a three day meth binge with needles in every vein but neither of them IS or KNOWS that they are HIV positive...they might get called stupid but they aren't a piece of shit...if two guys get drunk and fuck without a condom...and one is unsure of his status or both are and neither knows for sure...they aren't a piece of shit......get the picture?) but positive folks...that fuck up just like every other sexually active person FUCKS UP does so....we (I) are moral reprobates, intentional bastards, pieces of shit, fucked up, inhuman, demonic (let's pretend this is a MadLib..insert your favorite negative dehumanizing adjective here), etc. ad infinitum.
There is ill intent assigned to what we were doing instead of asking...what....other than a demonic and devilish desire to cause harm...could possibly motivate someone to get drunk and/or high and have unprotected sex even when they know that they are HIV positive, or worse, lie about their status? Hmmmm...asking that question forces people to look to damn closely at their own desperate desire to fit in, be loved, be, dare I say, normal.
I mean, I can't imagine why someone would do such a dastardly thing. I mean....our society loves, values, and in no way stigmatizes HIV positive people, does it? I mean, I have never been in a club and heard folks talking about this or that person that is positive and how they can't believe anyone would sleep with them? I mean, I have never been interested in someone, disclosed my status, and watched their face shut down and despite their insistence that it doesn't really matter, they never call back? I mean, I don't see imagery on TV and in the media about how FAGS deserve AIDS and deserve to die. I mean, I didn't grow up with Fred Phelps telling me that I got what I deserved. I mean, I didn't learn messages that it was ok to have HIV if you got it through a blood transfusion or through a surgical accident (which meant you were to be pitied instead of reviled) but if you got it through consensual, even if stupid, unprotected sex then you got what you deserved. I mean, on top of racism and homophobia, adding being HIV positive to the mix of ones life isn't too fucking much so that sometimes you are willing to do anything and go to any lengths JUST TO FEEL THE WAY THAT EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO FEEL ALL THE TIME...AKA wanted, desired, loved, valued, beautiful, caring, cared for, and cherished----even if all those things are found only in a 30 minute hook up with someone, somewhere...that you never see again....
Silly silly me. Feeling untouched, unwanted, and completely disconnected from everyone around you while walking the streets in a city of almost 9 million people is normal. Right?
But, guess what, I get to change that too. I can't change what I've done. I've said that before. But I can change what I am going to do. I can't change what other people think of me, but I am changing the way that I think and feel about myself.
And I will tell you one damn thing, I am NOT running away. Not this time, not every again. So, I sent an email to my softball team letting them know that I will be showing up this weekend for the games. And I will show up the next week and the week after. It is going to be, for me, awkward as fuck showing up at our meeting spot for this weekend's games. But I am going. Because if I don't go...it isn't my vitriolic teammate that wins, it's the voice in my head telling me that I am a piece of shit that wins.
And that motherfucker has won quite enough thank you. It's MY turn now.
I have been struggling hard core since Friday night. Today, I finally came to the astounding conclusion that the voice that I keep hearing, in Dolby Digital Stereo Surround Sound repeating that I am a piece of shit isn't my teammate's voice, it's my own.
Frankly, I have no power over the opinion that someone else has of me. I suppose if I lived my life in a cubicle and never made any mistakes, small or fucking huge as I have done, then I suppose, controlling for all that, I could influence someones opinion of me. But change it? Nope...that's not a power I have.
But I can interrupt those tapes inside of me that are determined to keep me kicking my own ass until my motherfuckin' foot falls off or gets wedged somewhere in my colon.
Colostomy, table of one, please.
Now...considering the voice that has declared that I am a piece of shit is, in fact, a part of my own psyche, which means, technically, I do have control over it, one would assume that one could just flip the off switch and away it would go. Unfortunately, to get to the off switch you have to wade hip deep in the Bog of Eternal Stench, with giant leeches the size of Rush Limbaugh's ass trying to suck the life out of you, as you have to do a back hand spring through a mine field covered in old syringes filled with nitroglycerin and all piled on top of a nuclear warhead that goes by the nick name of Bubbles and is on a hair trigger held by a 98 year old man with cerebral palsy and the DTs.
But if you can get through all of that, well, by all means, turn that switch right off...and...while you're at it...cure AIDS, homelessness, and cold fusion.
So, since I am not Mary Lou Retton inside of a cybertronic Voltron-on-steroids intergalactic gymnastics suit, I get to sit with the mother fucking feelings until I can get a handle enough on them to step outside of my front door.
This weekend I did a lot of isolating and a lot of hiding. I didn't go to the gym. I skipped my softball games, and it took a supreme act of will and effort to go to the BBQ and Hummus parties that I attended. It took all of my energy to put on my happy face and go play well adjusted and normal for several hours at a stretch.
But that's just it...I'm not normal. No matter how much I want to be, I am not normal. I am a recovering meth addict that is HIV positive. No matter how much I want those two things to be different. They won't be. Not in this lifetime. No matter how much I want to be just like everyone else (well, ok...even if I were not a positive addict, I am too fuckin' weird to be just like everyone else), but no matter how drunk I get or high I get to permission myself to act like a self-absorbed person just looking for a little human contact without any barriers, I don't get to be that person anymore. This fucking (these fucking) disease have taken that away. And though it is fucked up, foul, wrong, unjust, uncool, and just plain oppressive that people living with HIV are held to a higher, different standard of behavior (ie....if a straight guy and girl fuck without a condom and the girl gets pregnant, no one gets called a piece of shit...if two dudes are on a three day meth binge with needles in every vein but neither of them IS or KNOWS that they are HIV positive...they might get called stupid but they aren't a piece of shit...if two guys get drunk and fuck without a condom...and one is unsure of his status or both are and neither knows for sure...they aren't a piece of shit......get the picture?) but positive folks...that fuck up just like every other sexually active person FUCKS UP does so....we (I) are moral reprobates, intentional bastards, pieces of shit, fucked up, inhuman, demonic (let's pretend this is a MadLib..insert your favorite negative dehumanizing adjective here), etc. ad infinitum.
There is ill intent assigned to what we were doing instead of asking...what....other than a demonic and devilish desire to cause harm...could possibly motivate someone to get drunk and/or high and have unprotected sex even when they know that they are HIV positive, or worse, lie about their status? Hmmmm...asking that question forces people to look to damn closely at their own desperate desire to fit in, be loved, be, dare I say, normal.
I mean, I can't imagine why someone would do such a dastardly thing. I mean....our society loves, values, and in no way stigmatizes HIV positive people, does it? I mean, I have never been in a club and heard folks talking about this or that person that is positive and how they can't believe anyone would sleep with them? I mean, I have never been interested in someone, disclosed my status, and watched their face shut down and despite their insistence that it doesn't really matter, they never call back? I mean, I don't see imagery on TV and in the media about how FAGS deserve AIDS and deserve to die. I mean, I didn't grow up with Fred Phelps telling me that I got what I deserved. I mean, I didn't learn messages that it was ok to have HIV if you got it through a blood transfusion or through a surgical accident (which meant you were to be pitied instead of reviled) but if you got it through consensual, even if stupid, unprotected sex then you got what you deserved. I mean, on top of racism and homophobia, adding being HIV positive to the mix of ones life isn't too fucking much so that sometimes you are willing to do anything and go to any lengths JUST TO FEEL THE WAY THAT EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO FEEL ALL THE TIME...AKA wanted, desired, loved, valued, beautiful, caring, cared for, and cherished----even if all those things are found only in a 30 minute hook up with someone, somewhere...that you never see again....
Silly silly me. Feeling untouched, unwanted, and completely disconnected from everyone around you while walking the streets in a city of almost 9 million people is normal. Right?
But, guess what, I get to change that too. I can't change what I've done. I've said that before. But I can change what I am going to do. I can't change what other people think of me, but I am changing the way that I think and feel about myself.
And I will tell you one damn thing, I am NOT running away. Not this time, not every again. So, I sent an email to my softball team letting them know that I will be showing up this weekend for the games. And I will show up the next week and the week after. It is going to be, for me, awkward as fuck showing up at our meeting spot for this weekend's games. But I am going. Because if I don't go...it isn't my vitriolic teammate that wins, it's the voice in my head telling me that I am a piece of shit that wins.
And that motherfucker has won quite enough thank you. It's MY turn now.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
My AIDS...a Comedy by Daniel Horrigan
MY AiDS
TO BENEFIT SEVERAL LGBT ORGANIZATIONS
Broadway Cares Equity Fights Aids,
Anti-Volence Project, Hetrick-Martin Institute, Men’s Sexual Health Project, Trinty Place Shelter, Gay Men’s Health Clinic and the Ali Forney Center
The 30th Street Theater
February 13 - March 1
At Hand Theatre Company (Justin Scribner, Executive Director) announces that its production of Dan Horrigan’s MY AiDS will benefit several LGBT organizations at each performance.
Hetrick-Martin Institute February 14th
The Hetrick-Martin Institute creates a safe and supportive environment in which LGBTQ youth, ages 12 to 21, can reach their full potential. Through a comprehensive package of innovative and creative after-school programs, supportive services, and referrals, Hetrick-Martin, with its experienced professional staff, is a leader in caring for our most vulnerable at-risk youth. We are also host to the Harvey Milk High School, an inclusive voluntary New York City public high school focusing on the educational needs of children who are in crisis or at risk of physical violence and/or emotional harm in a traditional educational environment.
Anti-Violence Project February 15th
The New York City Anti-Violence Project is dedicated to eliminating hate violence, sexual assault, stalking, and domestic violence in LGBTQ and HIV-affected communities through counseling, advocacy, organizing, and public education. The New York City Anti-Violence Project was founded in 1980 in reaction to neighborhood incidents of anti-LGBT violence and the failure of the criminal legal system to respond. AVP remained an all-volunteer organization until 1984, when the first full-time Executive Director was hired. With the addition of full-time staff, AVP was able to broaden its services to provide professional counseling to victims and survivors of hate violence. AVP also began expanding our work beyond bias-motivated violence to include services for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault and HIV-related violence. Today, AVP provides free and confidential assistance to thousands of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and HIV-affected (LGBTQH) people each year from all five boroughs of New York City.
Men's Sexual Health Project February 20th
Bellevue Hospital Center and NYU School of Medicine now offer free, confidential testing for HIV and sexually transmitted infections at two bathhouses for men who have sex with men in New York City. This innovative project, under the direction of Dr. Demetre Daskalakis, combines the Bellevue clinical service of HIV testing with NYU research in sexually transmitted infections and prevention. Accesible testing hours and a judgment-free environment streamline the availability of testing for infections impacting our community. The Men's Sexual Health Project offers the following on a walk-in basis: Rapid HIV antibody testing, with results available in 20 minutes, HIV PCR/viral load testing to identify recent HIV infections, Testing for sexually transmitted infections, including Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and Syphilis, and Risk reduction counseling with a doctor or trained HIV counselor.
Trinity Place Shelter February 21st
Trinity Place Shelter is a non-sectarian, 10-bed transitional shelter that is open all year to provide LGBTQ youth with a safe place to sleep, eat, store belongings, and have access to transportation. Through strong local community partnerships, we are able to provide access to comprehensive medical services, case management, education, career counseling, art classes and mental health services. All youth referred to Trinity Place have been identified as interested in, or are actively seeking, employment or schooling. We provide a unique, family-like environment where the youth receive the respect, individualized care, and basic services so often denied them. There are as many as 10,000 LGBTQ youth currently living homeless in NYC and only 250 beds or fewer that are specifically available for this population. These youth often experience abuse in other shelters. Our goal is to expand our program to provide homeless LGBTQ youth with the basic services and skills necessary to make independent living a reality, and to make a positive difference for as many as possible in the midst of this crisis.
GMHC February 22nd
GMHC is the world’s first and leading provider of HIV/AIDS prevention, care and advocacy. To end the AIDS epidemic, we need comprehensive solutions that promote education, increase awareness, improve care, reduce stigma, elevate policy and build strong, supportive communities. Whether it’s getting tested, living with HIV/AIDS, succeeding at home and work or elevating our voice for policy change, we provide answers that give hope. We understand the root causes of the disease and take a holistic approach to care — from medical treatment and counseling to legal services and job placement — that promotes total well-being for your whole life. We help you develop meaningful relationships within the GMHC community, receive support and give back to others along the way, so you feel a sense of confidence and pride that empowers your life on your terms. AIDS is not over. In fact, awareness is down as new infections are up — including among women, people of color and men who have sex with men. The roots of the epidemic are wide and deep, from stigma and misinformation to the increasing cost of care. At GMHC, we believe we can end the epidemic by addressing the underlying causes, shifting cultural beliefs and promoting smart behaviors that empower a healthy life for all of us. In 1981, six men united against fear and death from a disease then known as the Gay Men’s Health Crisis. The group set up an answering machine in the home of Rodger McFarlane and the first AIDS hotline was born — receiving over 100 calls the first night. Today, GMHC continues to pioneer HIV prevention, care and advocacy. Fight AIDS. Love Life. Since before AIDS had a name and until the epidemic is over, GMHC will continue to fight AIDS and love life.
The Ali Forney Center February 28th
As the visibility of LGBT people grows in our society, more and more LGBT teens are finding the courage to come out of the closet. Tragically, as many as 25% of these teens are rejected by their families, and many end up homeless on the streets. Homeless LGBT teens are more likely than straight homeless teens to be subjected to violence on the streets, and in the homeless shelter system. They suffer from inordinate rates of mental illness, trauma, HIV infection and substance abuse. The Ali Forney Center (AFC) was started in June of 2002 in response to the lack of safe shelter for LGBT youth in New York City. We are committed to providing these young people with safe, dignified, nurturing environments where their needs can be met, and where they can begin to put their lives back together. -- Ali Forney was a homeless queer teen who was forced to live on the streets of New York during the 1990s. Ali was dedicated to the safety of other homeless queer youth; he was a committed HIV prevention worker, and aggressively advocated that the NYPD investigate a series of murders of the homeless queer youth he had befriended. Ali was an inspiration to those who knew him. In December of 1997, Ali was murdered on the streets. His tragic death called attention to the atrocious conditions for homeless LGBT youth in New York. Ali's murderer has never been identified.
Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS March 1st
BC/EFA is one of the nation’s leading industry-based, nonprofit AIDS fundraising and grant-making organizations. By drawing upon the talents, resources and generosity of the American theatre community, since 1988 BC/EFA has raised over $175 million for essential services for people with AIDS and other critical illnesses across the United States. BC/EFA is the major supporter of seven programs at The Actors’ Fund - including The AIDS Initiative, The Phyllis Newman Women’s Health Initiative, The Al Hirschfeld Free Health Clinic, The Dancers’ Resource and three supportive housing residences. BC/EFA also awards annual grants to over 400 AIDS and family service organizations nationwide.
My Aids a comedy will run February 13 – March 1 and is set to open February 15 at The 30th Street Theater (259 West 30th Street). Dave Solomon (NYMF’s Marrying Meg) will direct the 80-minute solo comedy
Synopsis
Armed with only his wit, storyteller Dan Horrigan does battle with evil bosses, loses true love, and confronts being HIV positive... all while searching for the perfect set of kitchenware! With humor and candor, he shares his story about grappling with growing up and accepting himself.
Best known for POP!, their annual production of short plays, At Hand Theatre Company has previously presented the plays Lila Cante, One Nation Under, Silence!, Trickster at the Gate and Cake and Plays...But Without the Cake
MY AiDS plays February 13 through March 1
Saturdays at 10:30pm;
Sundays and Mondays at 7pm at The 30th Street Theater (259 West 30th Street)
Tickets are $25 and can be purchased by phone at (212) 868-4444 or online at www.smarttix.com .
www.AtHandTheatre.com
Dan Horrigan
TO BENEFIT SEVERAL LGBT ORGANIZATIONS
Broadway Cares Equity Fights Aids,
Anti-Volence Project, Hetrick-Martin Institute, Men’s Sexual Health Project, Trinty Place Shelter, Gay Men’s Health Clinic and the Ali Forney Center
The 30th Street Theater
February 13 - March 1
At Hand Theatre Company (Justin Scribner, Executive Director) announces that its production of Dan Horrigan’s MY AiDS will benefit several LGBT organizations at each performance.
Hetrick-Martin Institute February 14th
The Hetrick-Martin Institute creates a safe and supportive environment in which LGBTQ youth, ages 12 to 21, can reach their full potential. Through a comprehensive package of innovative and creative after-school programs, supportive services, and referrals, Hetrick-Martin, with its experienced professional staff, is a leader in caring for our most vulnerable at-risk youth. We are also host to the Harvey Milk High School, an inclusive voluntary New York City public high school focusing on the educational needs of children who are in crisis or at risk of physical violence and/or emotional harm in a traditional educational environment.
Anti-Violence Project February 15th
The New York City Anti-Violence Project is dedicated to eliminating hate violence, sexual assault, stalking, and domestic violence in LGBTQ and HIV-affected communities through counseling, advocacy, organizing, and public education. The New York City Anti-Violence Project was founded in 1980 in reaction to neighborhood incidents of anti-LGBT violence and the failure of the criminal legal system to respond. AVP remained an all-volunteer organization until 1984, when the first full-time Executive Director was hired. With the addition of full-time staff, AVP was able to broaden its services to provide professional counseling to victims and survivors of hate violence. AVP also began expanding our work beyond bias-motivated violence to include services for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault and HIV-related violence. Today, AVP provides free and confidential assistance to thousands of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and HIV-affected (LGBTQH) people each year from all five boroughs of New York City.
Men's Sexual Health Project February 20th
Bellevue Hospital Center and NYU School of Medicine now offer free, confidential testing for HIV and sexually transmitted infections at two bathhouses for men who have sex with men in New York City. This innovative project, under the direction of Dr. Demetre Daskalakis, combines the Bellevue clinical service of HIV testing with NYU research in sexually transmitted infections and prevention. Accesible testing hours and a judgment-free environment streamline the availability of testing for infections impacting our community. The Men's Sexual Health Project offers the following on a walk-in basis: Rapid HIV antibody testing, with results available in 20 minutes, HIV PCR/viral load testing to identify recent HIV infections, Testing for sexually transmitted infections, including Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and Syphilis, and Risk reduction counseling with a doctor or trained HIV counselor.
Trinity Place Shelter February 21st
Trinity Place Shelter is a non-sectarian, 10-bed transitional shelter that is open all year to provide LGBTQ youth with a safe place to sleep, eat, store belongings, and have access to transportation. Through strong local community partnerships, we are able to provide access to comprehensive medical services, case management, education, career counseling, art classes and mental health services. All youth referred to Trinity Place have been identified as interested in, or are actively seeking, employment or schooling. We provide a unique, family-like environment where the youth receive the respect, individualized care, and basic services so often denied them. There are as many as 10,000 LGBTQ youth currently living homeless in NYC and only 250 beds or fewer that are specifically available for this population. These youth often experience abuse in other shelters. Our goal is to expand our program to provide homeless LGBTQ youth with the basic services and skills necessary to make independent living a reality, and to make a positive difference for as many as possible in the midst of this crisis.
GMHC February 22nd
GMHC is the world’s first and leading provider of HIV/AIDS prevention, care and advocacy. To end the AIDS epidemic, we need comprehensive solutions that promote education, increase awareness, improve care, reduce stigma, elevate policy and build strong, supportive communities. Whether it’s getting tested, living with HIV/AIDS, succeeding at home and work or elevating our voice for policy change, we provide answers that give hope. We understand the root causes of the disease and take a holistic approach to care — from medical treatment and counseling to legal services and job placement — that promotes total well-being for your whole life. We help you develop meaningful relationships within the GMHC community, receive support and give back to others along the way, so you feel a sense of confidence and pride that empowers your life on your terms. AIDS is not over. In fact, awareness is down as new infections are up — including among women, people of color and men who have sex with men. The roots of the epidemic are wide and deep, from stigma and misinformation to the increasing cost of care. At GMHC, we believe we can end the epidemic by addressing the underlying causes, shifting cultural beliefs and promoting smart behaviors that empower a healthy life for all of us. In 1981, six men united against fear and death from a disease then known as the Gay Men’s Health Crisis. The group set up an answering machine in the home of Rodger McFarlane and the first AIDS hotline was born — receiving over 100 calls the first night. Today, GMHC continues to pioneer HIV prevention, care and advocacy. Fight AIDS. Love Life. Since before AIDS had a name and until the epidemic is over, GMHC will continue to fight AIDS and love life.
The Ali Forney Center February 28th
As the visibility of LGBT people grows in our society, more and more LGBT teens are finding the courage to come out of the closet. Tragically, as many as 25% of these teens are rejected by their families, and many end up homeless on the streets. Homeless LGBT teens are more likely than straight homeless teens to be subjected to violence on the streets, and in the homeless shelter system. They suffer from inordinate rates of mental illness, trauma, HIV infection and substance abuse. The Ali Forney Center (AFC) was started in June of 2002 in response to the lack of safe shelter for LGBT youth in New York City. We are committed to providing these young people with safe, dignified, nurturing environments where their needs can be met, and where they can begin to put their lives back together. -- Ali Forney was a homeless queer teen who was forced to live on the streets of New York during the 1990s. Ali was dedicated to the safety of other homeless queer youth; he was a committed HIV prevention worker, and aggressively advocated that the NYPD investigate a series of murders of the homeless queer youth he had befriended. Ali was an inspiration to those who knew him. In December of 1997, Ali was murdered on the streets. His tragic death called attention to the atrocious conditions for homeless LGBT youth in New York. Ali's murderer has never been identified.
Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS March 1st
BC/EFA is one of the nation’s leading industry-based, nonprofit AIDS fundraising and grant-making organizations. By drawing upon the talents, resources and generosity of the American theatre community, since 1988 BC/EFA has raised over $175 million for essential services for people with AIDS and other critical illnesses across the United States. BC/EFA is the major supporter of seven programs at The Actors’ Fund - including The AIDS Initiative, The Phyllis Newman Women’s Health Initiative, The Al Hirschfeld Free Health Clinic, The Dancers’ Resource and three supportive housing residences. BC/EFA also awards annual grants to over 400 AIDS and family service organizations nationwide.
My Aids a comedy will run February 13 – March 1 and is set to open February 15 at The 30th Street Theater (259 West 30th Street). Dave Solomon (NYMF’s Marrying Meg) will direct the 80-minute solo comedy
Synopsis
Armed with only his wit, storyteller Dan Horrigan does battle with evil bosses, loses true love, and confronts being HIV positive... all while searching for the perfect set of kitchenware! With humor and candor, he shares his story about grappling with growing up and accepting himself.
Best known for POP!, their annual production of short plays, At Hand Theatre Company has previously presented the plays Lila Cante, One Nation Under, Silence!, Trickster at the Gate and Cake and Plays...But Without the Cake
MY AiDS plays February 13 through March 1
Saturdays at 10:30pm;
Sundays and Mondays at 7pm at The 30th Street Theater (259 West 30th Street)
Tickets are $25 and can be purchased by phone at (212) 868-4444 or online at www.smarttix.com
www.AtHandTheatre.com
Dan Horrigan
Thursday, September 24, 2009
First Efficacious HIV Vaccine Found!
Let the joyous news be spread the Red Ribbon Witch May One Day Be Dead!
Even though the study found that the vaccine only reduces the risk by 31% (which is way fucking better than 0%).
Even though the study was only done in Thailand with the strain of HIV most prevalent in Asia.
Even though the U.S. Army was the main funder of the vaccine trial.
I am still tickled red by this news.
Never before has any HIV vaccine been proven to be effective in preventing the spread of the infection. But some brilliant doctor in Thailand combined two previously ineffective vaccines and came up with a vaccine that, in fact, prevented, completely, HIV infection in a number of patients. It works. Dear God it works.
Now, before anyone starts screaming cure, the truth remains that it doesn't always work. As a matter of fact, 32% reduction in transmission still means 69% transmission. But before every single vaccine that came along was like a shot in the genetic viral RNA dark. Now there is something to build upon. It will take years before any vaccine is perfected, and there is still the question of whether or not it will be effective against the strains prevalent in Africa or the one in North and South America, but this discovery, ladies and gentlemen, has just won someone a Noble Prize (don't EVEN doubt it) and will, one day, be hailed with the vaccines for Small Pox, Polio, and most likely the discovery of penicillin.
And let's not minimize the importance of this for the region even if it turns out the vaccine is not effective against the African and American strains of the virus. HIV infection rates are through the roof in India and in China, the world's two most populous nations. Stopping the tide of HIV infection rates or lowering them significantly in those two nations will, intrinsically, reduce the overall infection rates across the region. Since most research shows that super infections are not only rare but most likely improbably, as the stronger of two strains tends to crowd out the other strain, it means that, perhaps, we can cut off the HIV explosion in Asia, which, almost uniformly, is developing with less than stellar health care and high rates of AIDS mortality.
I am excited.
Now, don't get me wrong, though I play a blond on TV, I actually have a decent grasp of the basics of scientific research. I moonlight, what can I say. I understand that the experiment has to be replicated. I understand that there needs to be further study and refining. I understand that if the pharmaceutical companies get their hands on this it is going to be priced out of the reach of the poor of Asia.. I understand the U.S. Army doesn't do shit squat number one out of the goodness of its heart. There is something related to biological warfare or may I turn into a fucking Power Ranger over night. I understand that this could be as good as it gets.
But what if it isn't?
A vaccine is not a cure. Lord knows I know that. There has to be continued studied for folks like me to be free of the disease that already have it. But for the vast majority of the people in the world that never need to get it, for the rape victims in Africa and the US prison system, for the AIDS babies and the transgender sex workers, this could mean the difference between life and slow death.
So do not begrudge me my joy. I understand the limitations and boundaries of that joy, but hope breeds faith, and faith has been known to change the world if we let it.
For more information on the discovery turn on the goddamn television set or click this link.
Even though the study found that the vaccine only reduces the risk by 31% (which is way fucking better than 0%).
Even though the study was only done in Thailand with the strain of HIV most prevalent in Asia.
Even though the U.S. Army was the main funder of the vaccine trial.
I am still tickled red by this news.
Never before has any HIV vaccine been proven to be effective in preventing the spread of the infection. But some brilliant doctor in Thailand combined two previously ineffective vaccines and came up with a vaccine that, in fact, prevented, completely, HIV infection in a number of patients. It works. Dear God it works.
Now, before anyone starts screaming cure, the truth remains that it doesn't always work. As a matter of fact, 32% reduction in transmission still means 69% transmission. But before every single vaccine that came along was like a shot in the genetic viral RNA dark. Now there is something to build upon. It will take years before any vaccine is perfected, and there is still the question of whether or not it will be effective against the strains prevalent in Africa or the one in North and South America, but this discovery, ladies and gentlemen, has just won someone a Noble Prize (don't EVEN doubt it) and will, one day, be hailed with the vaccines for Small Pox, Polio, and most likely the discovery of penicillin.
And let's not minimize the importance of this for the region even if it turns out the vaccine is not effective against the African and American strains of the virus. HIV infection rates are through the roof in India and in China, the world's two most populous nations. Stopping the tide of HIV infection rates or lowering them significantly in those two nations will, intrinsically, reduce the overall infection rates across the region. Since most research shows that super infections are not only rare but most likely improbably, as the stronger of two strains tends to crowd out the other strain, it means that, perhaps, we can cut off the HIV explosion in Asia, which, almost uniformly, is developing with less than stellar health care and high rates of AIDS mortality.
I am excited.
Now, don't get me wrong, though I play a blond on TV, I actually have a decent grasp of the basics of scientific research. I moonlight, what can I say. I understand that the experiment has to be replicated. I understand that there needs to be further study and refining. I understand that if the pharmaceutical companies get their hands on this it is going to be priced out of the reach of the poor of Asia.. I understand the U.S. Army doesn't do shit squat number one out of the goodness of its heart. There is something related to biological warfare or may I turn into a fucking Power Ranger over night. I understand that this could be as good as it gets.
But what if it isn't?
A vaccine is not a cure. Lord knows I know that. There has to be continued studied for folks like me to be free of the disease that already have it. But for the vast majority of the people in the world that never need to get it, for the rape victims in Africa and the US prison system, for the AIDS babies and the transgender sex workers, this could mean the difference between life and slow death.
So do not begrudge me my joy. I understand the limitations and boundaries of that joy, but hope breeds faith, and faith has been known to change the world if we let it.
For more information on the discovery turn on the goddamn television set or click this link.
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