At Times Like These: A Love Blog for Nico

It's at times like these, these moments when I am feeling full of love...those moments when it's been a decent week....when I have done what I set out to do (for the most part), did the best I could do on a given day....had the strength to ask for help and support and love from my family and community...had conflict and resolved it....had trouble and overcame it....dreamed a little bit...cried a little bit...said some goodbyes....made some new friends...and loved myself just a bit more....that I miss him the most.

You see...I fell in love with a man. Not just any man....but a Frenchman (ouhlala)....by the name of Nico.

Let me tell you something about Nico....unexpectedness....and the quirky twists of fate of a universe gone un poquito loco. He is the best friend of someone that I still love dearly and that I once dated.

I shall not name any names but there are some blogs (some good and some...ahem...rough)....on this blog about his best friend and the firestorm of emotions that existed/still exist/have been banked....between us. That was a crazy love...a conflagration that was explosive. I am sure there is some alien species somewhere that saw us meet for the first time and was like..."Fuck...I think the Earth just blew the Hell up!"

I met Nico through the other one. When I met him I thought he was a smooooooth operator. Tall. Fancy. French. Works for the UN. Suave.....very...umm....welll....ouhlala. He was a married man. Like...legally and stuff....and he spent most of his night talking to our friend Ben in Frenchy talk. He maintains to this day that I ignored him that night. I didn't ignore him. I was perfectly engaging....I just happened to have my attention focused elsewhere.

Proof that I am right and he was smoking that stuff is that shortly after meeting, we developed our own friendship that intensified as he and his former partner split up.

For two months, we spoke often, communicated often, and as the unnamed one and I went from a twin star galaxy to supernovae, Nico and my friendship deepened.

Then for reasons that were both valid (feelings wise) and super duper extra regrettable (actions wise), first the other one and then I were sent into Siberia as my chou (cabbage aka Nico) calls it.

Fast forward some six months later. The ex and I are again close and friends. We go out for Nico's birthday. I hadn't seen him (Nico) in almost seven months. By the end of the night, we were kissing, and I asked him out on a date.

When I went to bed that night and thought back on the evening, my eyes were as big as a lemur's and all I could do was blink and say..."what the fuc....."

And one date turned into nights spent together, laughing, talking, walking, singing, ummmm playing...uhhh twister, eating, cooking, and it was all and has been so easy. Not easy as in...no hard moments or no difficult times where he or I haven't had to say....No no Mischa...not tonight. And a couple of times, I've had to go all Ghost on him...."Molly...you in danger girl!" Of course, I have been a perfect angel full of Christ's love and have never made him raise his eyebrows and get all Franco-Germanic Valkyrie on me....no...not me...no way man!

He sees me and loves me and holds me...and the things I think of as flaws and detriments...the HIV....the slight tendency towards crazy (I have more than a little Madea in my soul)....the wounds that I carry and am trying to heal....he just kisses me and lets me be....and I like to believe that for those things that he carries...I have been able to do the same.

The man loves me in that slow, steady insistent way that you hear about sometimes in stories. Not the pyrotechnical oh shit we blew up the universe way and then burned down to a cinder...but in that slow, steady, warm, glowy, constant way that just keeps burning and sparking and warming without flickering.

Yeah it's only been a couple-o-months...but it's been something vastly different than this...ummm...very experienced human being has known. And what's even better is that everyone around us sees it. In pictures. In person. Folks comment on the light that is there when we are together.

Which is why I wanted to jump up and down on his forehead when my beloved man up and moved to Togo for two months.

Yes yes, I am cursed to have a successful man that works for the UN doing disarmament that was recently promoted to a fabulous post in NYC and asked to go back to Africa to be the Interim Director of the center in West Africa that runs the disarmament program for the entire damn continent. WOOOOOOEEEEEE IS ME.

At least he bought me some jewelry before he left. He knows what a lady likes.

In the end....I am so proud to be his man. I am proud of the work he is doing. The world of modern technology lets us see and talk to each other every day....but on nights like this...after days like this....Skype is lovely...but it doesn't replace his kiss, his skin, or my arms around him.

He'll be home soon. Until then.....it's love letters and a list of some acrobatic gymnastic twister games in a spreadsheet to be played that grows longer by the day. 

Queendom: Bebe Zahara Benet's One Woman Show

In early 2007, I started making regular Thursday night appearances at the Town House, a little bitty queer bar, beloved by lesbians, tucked between a used car dealer lot and a junk shop on University Avenue in St. Paul, MN. Thursday night was the weekly Pumps and Pearls Drag Revue. My first night at the revue I was dazzled when Monica West, the host of the show, introduced the French speaking, African Diva, straight (or gayly) from CAMEERROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON: Bebe Zahara Benet.

Over the next year and a half, I rarely missed a show. I burned through a boyfriend and at least 1,000 $1 bills celebrating the art, beauty, grace, and fierceness of Bebe Benet. I was there, at the Town House, in early 2008 when it was announced that Bebe had been selected to be a contestant on the new reality show on Logo: RuPaul's Drag Race. I about fell out of my chair in excitement.

In August 2008, I left Minneapolis, and I wasn't sure if I would ever see Bebe again. Of course I saw her again, on Logo. I watched every week and every week I texted Bebe sending her love and support. And then she won. Great googly moogly, she won. I had total faith in her, and I was so happy to see a queer black African immigrant win what instantly became drag's new highest honor.

Much to my delight and surprise, I ran into Bebe a couple of times in NYC. Last year, on my birthday, we had dinner. And then glory of glories last November she moved to New York. I now count Bebe amongst my best friends. We are family, and I would do anything to support her as a person, her career, and her artistry.

On Thursday, May 20th, you also have a chance to support this remarkable man-dressed-as-a-woman. If you are in New York, clear your calendar and join us for Bebe's show--Queendom: An Intimate Experience with African Royalty.

Here is the information:

Venue: Don't Tell Mama
Address: 343 W. 46th Street (between 8th and 9th Avenue)
Time: 8:30-10:30pm
Cost: $15 and two drink minimum

Description:

Queendom is not simply an utterly unique and entertaining performance. It is an interactive experience that transports its audience to the royalty of Africa. The theater becomes a majestic African palace and the audience members become its honorary guests. A story is told through a fusion of upbeat American music with harmonious African chanting and tribal elements resulting in a fresh and edgy musical experience that is beautiful to the ears and healing to the soul. Glamorous animal inspired high fashion original costumes and décor are a visual treat. And speaking of treats, royal guests never leave empty handed as special gifts that tickle the senses are given to everyone at every show. Each season brings a new Queendom performance making this an ever changing event worth visiting again and again. The star and creator, Miss Bebe Zahara Benet (Winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 1), is a Cameroon native and left no detail gone unnoticed. It is a production built on great knowledge, impeccable taste, and deep passion. It will leave you feeling good and sassy! Queendom is a must-see.


JOIN ME FOR THIS EVENT. I will be there. So should you be.

First Efficacious HIV Vaccine Found!

Let the joyous news be spread the Red Ribbon Witch May One Day Be Dead!

Even though the study found that the vaccine only reduces the risk by 31% (which is way fucking better than 0%).
Even though the study was only done in Thailand with the strain of HIV most prevalent in Asia.
Even though the U.S. Army was the main funder of the vaccine trial.

I am still tickled red by this news.

Never before has any HIV vaccine been proven to be effective in preventing the spread of the infection. But some brilliant doctor in Thailand combined two previously ineffective vaccines and came up with a vaccine that, in fact, prevented, completely, HIV infection in a number of patients. It works. Dear God it works.

Now, before anyone starts screaming cure, the truth remains that it doesn't always work. As a matter of fact, 32% reduction in transmission still means 69% transmission. But before every single vaccine that came along was like a shot in the genetic viral RNA dark. Now there is something to build upon. It will take years before any vaccine is perfected, and there is still the question of whether or not it will be effective against the strains prevalent in Africa or the one in North and South America, but this discovery, ladies and gentlemen, has just won someone a Noble Prize (don't EVEN doubt it) and will, one day, be hailed with the vaccines for Small Pox, Polio, and most likely the discovery of penicillin.

And let's not minimize the importance of this for the region even if it turns out the vaccine is not effective against the African and American strains of the virus. HIV infection rates are through the roof in India and in China, the world's two most populous nations. Stopping the tide of HIV infection rates or lowering them significantly in those two nations will, intrinsically, reduce the overall infection rates across the region. Since most research shows that super infections are not only rare but most likely improbably, as the stronger of two strains tends to crowd out the other strain, it means that, perhaps, we can cut off the HIV explosion in Asia, which, almost uniformly, is developing with less than stellar health care and high rates of AIDS mortality.

I am excited.

Now, don't get me wrong, though I play a blond on TV, I actually have a decent grasp of the basics of scientific research. I moonlight, what can I say. I understand that the experiment has to be replicated. I understand that there needs to be further study and refining. I understand that if the pharmaceutical companies get their hands on this it is going to be priced out of the reach of the poor of Asia.. I understand the U.S. Army doesn't do shit squat number one out of the goodness of its heart. There is something related to biological warfare or may I turn into a fucking Power Ranger over night. I understand that this could be as good as it gets.

But what if it isn't?

A vaccine is not a cure. Lord knows I know that. There has to be continued studied for folks like me to be free of the disease that already have it. But for the vast majority of the people in the world that never need to get it, for the rape victims in Africa and the US prison system, for the AIDS babies and the transgender sex workers, this could mean the difference between life and slow death.

So do not begrudge me my joy. I understand the limitations and boundaries of that joy, but hope breeds faith, and faith has been known to change the world if we let it.

For more information on the discovery turn on the goddamn television set or click this link.

Mother Africa

I have been having an exchange on Facebook with a young queer man from Kenya. Today, I posted on my Facebook status that I know magic exists in the world. This young Kenyan wrote and said that he knows magic exists at least in Africa.

I responded that indeed it does and that when we, the lost children, were taken from our Mother's shore, when we were forced into terror and darkness, when we laid side by side in filth and fear, we carried her, our great Mother with us. When we walked again into the light, when that first nameless black person touched foot on this side of the Atlantic ocean, all of the power, the spirits, the magic, the Gods, and the ancestors of our African peoples emerged with us. Into this land, onto this land, with our blood and our labor and our great burden and tragedy we brought all of our powerful and magnificent history. We brought Songhai and the Lower Kingdom. We brought the great Arab empires of the North. We brought with us a legacy of science, math, philosophy, and literature. We brought with us a power and magic so powerful that Southern whites trembled at the thought of the Obeah woman. They sought out the cures of the Voodouin. They turned to us as healers, teachers, nurses. Even as they tried to beat the spirit out of us, strip our history from us, pull out our native tongues, and steal our drums they could not escape the power that is naturally and by birthright ours.

Our people have and continue to struggle. We are not perfect. There is no master race. But it is undeniable that this world, which once revered us, then reviled us, has been undeniable and markedly impacted by us in a way that no other people have ever done. OUr music, our language, our culture, our history, our ways of being and our ways of fighting can be found on every inhabited continent on this planet. From Asia to South America, liberation struggles base their fights on the fights fought by us. The modes of expression, particularly hip-hop, have taken this planet by storm...Aboriginal youth, Japanese teens, Dutch b-boys all draw on and embrace those things which we brought into this world.

African genocide is the ultimate Caine and Able sin. It is the original curse. It is kin slaying. We are one family. Our Mother is Africa. She watches her children no matter where the are in the world. A Mother never abandons her child.