Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sometimes healing starts when you unintentionally, through an expression of your own pain, hurt someone that you care about. I did that last night. Because of work I need to do to heal myself, I put my relationship at risk by not handling my emotions in the way I could have. The part that kills is that I caused pain, fear, confusion, and insecurity in someone that has been, for all purposes, a consummate source of love, strength, and patience in my life. Not all of the conflict from last night was mine to carry. But that which is mine to carry I am carrying heavily. It is also telling that although I have been forgiven for my knee jerk asinine behavior, I can't figure out how to forgive myself. It isn't as dramatic as it sounds, and then again, it really is. It's so dramatic it is comic. Poor Brandon...someone loves him enough to love him through his hurt. Self-pity is a damn shame.