Saturday, July 11, 2009

An Open Letter to the GOP

Dear Grand Old Party:

You suck.

I don't mean in that gloryhole, backalley, 1970s pre-condom porn kind of sucking. I am talking about that drippy cheesy uncut leporitic yeast infected dick head kind of way.

Let me explain.

You are a party run by complete tit jobs that can't keep it in their pants or their ass in the country. Let's start with Governor Sanford. What the fuck? Let's see...if my Mom in her glorious job at Target at the Miller Hill Mall in Duluth, Minnesota, were to up and skip town, not tell anyone (including her Sanford's case the people of the state of South Carolina) where she were going, they would bounce her ass from that job so fast she would leave skid marks on the surface of Lake Superior. Yet, jacktard adulterous over privileged white ass Governor Sanford chokes out a well acted out "I'm sorry," admits to having had NUMEROUS affairs, and then goes right on being governor.

White privilege is amazing. Republican White Privilege is fucking astounding.

Next, let's talk about Rush Limbaugh's Oxycontin addicted ass. This monkey bitch motherfucker gets up on the airwaves, spouting neo-Nazi regressive rhetoric, basically hates everyone that isn't fat, white, male, straight and more Conservative than Queen Victoria, and you all tremble in your soulless boots whenever he passes gas. Take this as a loving suggestion, when I say to you, GOP, that it's time to let your balls drop into your nut sac and let Rush know that if he SITS on his microphone instead of vomiting into it, he may find more satisfaction in this life.

Who should we talk about next? Let's see...Mitch McConnell can basically kiss my rosy black ass...I bet if you check his closet, you will find a white suit or two with a nice white pointy hood that goes remarkably well with the rest of the ensemble. Trent Lott showed his true colors when wishing Dixiecrat Strom Thurmond a happy 181st birthday, and Strom Thurmond (God help his soul, cuz you know he is in a place hotter than his black maid's coochie), was advocating for the segregation, subjugation, separation, and denigration of black folks all the while fucking his maid and paying for the upkeep of his mixed race daughter. Hmmmm integrity is a word that the GOP should look up in the dictionary. Then eat the page it was's the only damn way any of you will get integrity into your systems.

And, of course, the coup de grace, George W. Bush. I will say that at least George H.W. Bush, asshole of a conservative that he was, at least had a well articulated philsopohy behind his regressive madness. His inept C minus son that snorted and drank his way through college and then pissed his way through his Presidency managed to single handedly wreck more havoc on the United States than any other president in the entire country's history. The Civil War did less damage to the fabric of U.S. society and created fewer long term causalities than George W. Bush's eight years in office mauling the country and sucking it spiritually, emotionally, and financially dry has done or will do. Somebody call the Nuremberg Trials back into session. Break out the rope. You missed one.

In this country, there are good and well meaning Republicans. But, as long as those Republicans continue to trade their financial security for their ethical beliefs...they are as culpable for the actions of the most idiotic and regressive of their party as if they were mouth shitting into a microphone or gutting social services or taking bribes themselves.

So, GOP, take a page from Sarah Palin's play book...know that your idiocy has led you to a place of consummate ineffectualness...resign...quit...cut and run...get the fuck out. You are so through.



  1. Dude. You're letting them off easy by just taking potshots at easy targets. The issues with the Republican Party go far deeper than the hypocrisy of a few "sociallyu conservative" wing-nuts... all you have to do is take a look at how the Republican Party in California is bent on taking the entire state, and it's economy, over the cliff based on a fanatical and quasi-religiously fundamentalist opposition to taxes... and at the profound literal pain and suffering they're willing to inflict on the poor and powerless in doing so. Not to mention the economic lunacy associated with their approach to governance.

  2. LOL! I adore you Thomas...I was letting them off easy...but I had limited "rant" time this morning.


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