Whoever thought of the name Hell's Kitchen deserves a fucking award. Imaginative. Descriptive. I like it. And, I am moving there. Life and the universe have a way of pointing you in the direction you need to go. This time the universe dropped kicked my ass towards this particular destination.
I am both so excited I could just pee all over everything like our new house puppy Fausto and so scared that I could just pee all over everything like our new house puppy Fausto.
Moving to New York has been a dream for years. Living with David has been a dream for almost a year. Combining the two is enough to make my head spin around. And it is enough to make me wonder if the universe is playing a big fucking joke on me.
The closer I get to Wednesday the more I feel as if this is all some big ass joke, and that I am still on that mental health ward at University-Riverside and at any moment Nurse Buffy is going to pop in and tell me it is time to head to Occupational Therapy (I never understand that name...call the shit Coloring Class...cuz that's what it is).
I know that something big is in the works. I know I have a TON TON TON TON TON of personal shit to work on. Last night David and I tentatively agreed to some minor rule changes to make our relationship stronger.
I feel so fucking grown up. And I feel like a kid taking his first steps. The dichotomy and the oxymoron imagery is not lost on me.
My love told me today that he is feeling like..."let's get this show on the road already. This long distance thing has SUCKED."
I could not agree more.
The long distance thing has bred insecurities that may not have been there or may have been less intense, it has created a helluva a time getting into a groove that is long term and sustainable. It has created roadblocks in our various artistic endeavors, it has created situations where when we are together a chunk of our time is necessarily consumed by processing instead of just being able to relax and have non-lesbionic feminist process fun.
I am definitely looking forward to waking up next to him everyone morning and going bed next to him at night. I know that we will have our own lives and our time apart, but I want to know that when the sunrises and the sunsets he is there. That I go to sleep with the taste of him on my lips and the smell of him around me. So sweet. So home.