Friday, August 22, 2008

Being Fearless When You Are Afraid

It would be an understatement to say that my world has radically changed. I am living in a new city (realistically at the moment I am living between two cities: Oakland and San Francisco). I am starting a new job on Monday. And I met a human being that challenges me and creates in me such a wonderous combination of fear and joy that sometimes I wonder if I am on an episode of Punk'ed or Hell Date...and at any moment...a midget in a devil suit is going to jump out of the bushes.

A new city is a challenge that I am well equipped to meet. I have spent the last few days walking, getting lost, turning down side streets, snapping photos of flora that I haven't seen before, and meeting new neighbors, and letting my mind adjust to a city that is stunningly beautiful but looks nothing like home. My roommates are both great. Josh is an old friend that I dearly love. His partner has awesome energy, and I have thoroughly enjoyed being with Josh's family this week.

My new job is going to be a great adventure. I am really looking forward to getting started on Monday. I am looking forward to getting back into a healthy work environment. My boss is someone that I can already tell that I am going to deeply respect. And I get to work with some of my favorite people across the country.

And then there is David. David is great. He is brilliant. His art moves me. We communicate open and honestly...and do not tell each other things that we think the other person wants to hear (even when we are playing!). And I am terrified of fucking it up! My favorite therapist taught me to go with my feelings...and I am going with this one. But I need to figure out how to go with my feelings and know that letting your feelings run means letting go of control. That is some scary shit.

Ahh well... here's the living and life changes!


Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and insights. And thank you for reading!