Thursday, May 24, 2012

POETRY: I LIVE

I LIVE

I live
because today
I looked in the mirror
and I didn't see a lie
I cried
for the first time
because I
realized
that I love myself

I LOVE MYSELF

And that is revolutionary
a story that I never thought
included me
not a happy ending
on my block
no ever afters
just laughter
I thought
was going on behind my back
instead
it was only going on
between my ears
can't hear it anymore
because I live

I live
to give back the love given to me
freely
abundantly
it has freed me
from the chains forged
some
by my family
some
by my childhood
some
by society
but mostly
by me and the “truths” that I let control me
turned the Man in the Mirror
into a horror
turned this Christian soldier
into a Devil
but Devil backwards
is Lived
and I am moving forward

I live
because so many others died
so that I could be queer
and black
so that I could write this poem
knowing I won't be persecuted
jailed
beaten
hunted
for the things I believe
for the skin I wear
for the rage I swear
still howls from my broken heart
that has come a long way healing
this feeling is fucking beautiful
I could get used to feeling
FEELING
hurt, angry, sad, lonely, happy, horny, tired, frustrated
because I am FEELING
not locked up
or locked down
or drowned out by powders ground
on mirrors
or lit up
in pipes

I live
with HIV
but that doesn't define me
doesn't limit me
doesn't confine me
to the margins
for your comfortability
it's a part of me
has given me
the dignity
to live openly
my truth
my absolute truth
with its cold edges
and hot centers
bold flavors
and risk factors
and the reality
that I am still as fine as Hell
finer than a Sharpie
marking this reality
with my complexity
because I live
in a world that loves boxes
and borders
loves to insist on rigidity
and conformity
not me
NOT ME
I live past your ridges
climb over your borders
straddle your fences
spread my legs wide across your limits
swallow your can't's
do your don'ts
defy your won'ts
and you love me for it
because I live
and I give you the space
to be more than the expectations you inherited
more than the limitations you've accepted
more than the ending you've written for yourself

I live
and I will keep on living
not even the grave
will stop me
because I live
and I love myself
and you.

-Brandon Lacy Campos
-New York, NY
-May 24, 2012

2 comments:

  1. I want to hear you read this one out loud.
    I remember the first time I met you it was you reading something you wrote. It blew me out of the water.
    THIS
    I want ot hear this come out of your mouth

    Cindy Z

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this poem- such a gentle reminder.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and insights. And thank you for reading!