POETRY: I LIVE

I LIVE

I live

because today

I looked in the mirror

and I didn't see a lie

I cried

for the first time

because I

realized

that I love myself

I LOVE MYSELF

And that is revolutionary

a story that I never thought

included me

not a happy ending

on my block

no ever afters

just laughter

I thought

was going on behind my back

instead

it was only going on

between my ears

can't hear it anymore

because I live

I live

to give back the love given to me

freely

abundantly

it has freed me

from the chains forged

some

by my family

some

by my childhood

some

by society

but mostly

by me and the “truths” that I let control me

turned the Man in the Mirror

into a horror

turned this Christian soldier

into a Devil

but Devil backwards

is Lived

and I am moving forward

I live

because so many others died

so that I could be queer

and black

so that I could write this poem

knowing I won't be persecuted

jailed

beaten

hunted

for the things I believe

for the skin I wear

for the rage I swear

still howls from my broken heart

that has come a long way healing

this feeling is fucking beautiful

I could get used to feeling

FEELING

hurt, angry, sad, lonely, happy, horny, tired, frustrated

because I am FEELING

not locked up

or locked down

or drowned out by powders ground

on mirrors

or lit up

in pipes

I live

with HIV

but that doesn't define me

doesn't limit me

doesn't confine me

to the margins

for your comfortability

it's a part of me

has given me

the dignity

to live openly

my truth

my absolute truth

with its cold edges

and hot centers

bold flavors

and risk factors

and the reality

that I am still as fine as Hell

finer than a Sharpie

marking this reality

with my complexity

because I live

in a world that loves boxes

and borders

loves to insist on rigidity

and conformity

not me

NOT ME

I live past your ridges

climb over your borders

straddle your fences

spread my legs wide across your limits

swallow your can't's

do your don'ts

defy your won'ts

and you love me for it

because I live

and I give you the space

to be more than the expectations you inherited

more than the limitations you've accepted

more than the ending you've written for yourself

I live

and I will keep on living

not even the grave

will stop me

because I live

and I love myself

and you.

-Brandon Lacy Campos

-New York, NY

-May 24, 2012